- Kefka Palazzo - Final Fantasy 6
The Final Fantasy series has had some pretty iconic villains. Kefka Palazzo is probably the evilest, hateful, scheming and insane of them all though. Yeah, you could argue that some of the others are beings comprised of pure hate and evil but Kefka is just a regular human. At first glance, he can look foppish, maybe even just silly. His idea of comedy is darker than most, however. Did you hear the one about a guy who poisons a town's water supply, killing everyone? No. But Kefka likes to tell it anyway."Why do people insist on creating things that will inevitably be destroyed? Why do people cling to life knowing that they must someday die? Knowing that none of it will have meant anything once they do." - Kefka, on life and death.
Trust me, he ain't clowning around.
Kefka's disregard for life doesn't just stop at his enemies. Troops under his command (because of course, he's a general in the army) suffer from his cruelty. It doesn't matter if it's insubordination in the ranks or if Kefka is just bored, he is known and feared on his own side for killing his own soldiers on a whim. As the game progresses his disdain for others becomes pure nihilism. His goal ultimately to harness enough magical power to destroy all life and become the God of Magic. He succeeds insofar as destroying most of the world and becoming a god. The survivors live in fear around a massive tower he constructs for himself and with an attack, he calls "Light of Judgement", he smites anyone who doesn't acknowledge his rule. (Or just for fun)
Not only does Kefka go from weak, cruel human mage to nihilistic God of Magic, he also destroys the world. Most villains don't get past the planning and initial stages of their diabolical plan before the heroes defeat them. For me, I can easily see aspects of Kefka in later Final Fantasy antagonists. Obviously, comparisons can also be made between him and Batman's Joker as well. There is no doubt from the very first point you see him that he's the big bad. He doesn't try to sugarcoat it, he just wants you and everyone else to die. Is that too much to ask?
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| And you thought YOUR dentist was scary. |
- Dr Loboto - Psychonauts
"Well I've reviewed your chart, little girl. The bad news is we're going to have to remove your brain, strap it into an armoured battle tank and have it shoot down innocent civilians with its concentrated psychic death beams... The good news is this is all covered by your insurance."Kidnapping children is a pretty heinous thing to do. Especially if you're kidnapping them to steal their brains to turn into super weapons. The children in question have psychic powers and are all attending the Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp to hone their fledgeling powers. So just another Tuesday afternoon in other words.
Enter Dr Loboto. An ex-dentist sent to the nearby asylum for reasons unknown. (Presumably for removing lobes instead of molars.) After the asylum gets abandoned (Because when was the last time you had a proper, functioning insane asylum?!) Loboto takes control and sets it up as his base of operations for removing the psychic brains of the nearby camp goers. While this all sounds pretty gruesome there is one "brighter" note, he doesn't perform any actual surgery. Within his prosthetic right arm is an inbuilt pepper mill with which he sprinkles on his victim to force them to sneeze out their brain. No muss, no fuss.
Dr Loboto is something directly out of a Loony Toons episode. His wacky shower cap and Christmas light eyes, combined with his interesting use of a pepper grinder make him an excellent throwback to cartoons from the 90s. There's no malice in what he's doing. He just thinks your psychic powers could be put to better use. He's not concerned that you may already be in the process of using it. It's nothing personal.
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| Triforce of Power. Pfft, more like Triforce of Being an Asshole |
- Ganondorf - Zelda series
"Do you think this ends here? The history of light and shadow will be written in blood."Ganondorf is the Devil. Or at least the reincarnation of him. In the Zelda series, he is the embodiment of everything evil in the land of Hyrule. When Ganon kidnaps Princess Zelda it isn't because he wants the girl for himself. She's a means to and end. Kidnapping her is the call to adventure the hero of the quest, Link, needs to confront Ganon. They are the three people who each possess a piece of the Triforce, an ancient power that if united will grant any wish of its bearer.
I'd like to give some sympathetic spin on this somehow. That Ganon saw his family killed as a young boy and wants to get revenge/bring them back with the formidable power of the Triforce. Unfortunately, this isn't the case. Ganon's only motivation is to unite the Triforce to bring the whole world to heel. He is in possession of the Triforce of Power, a piece that adds to his already superhuman strength. The other two pieces are held by the Hero of Time, Link, and Princess Zelda (Triforce of Courage and Wisdom respectively) Because of this the three of them are in eons long battle through death and rebirth, more often resulting in Ganondorf being sealed away until he rebuilds his power once more.
Like a few of the others on this list, Ganon has no humanity to speak of. His goals to rule the world are absolute and opposition, while prophesied, is of no real concern to him. Even in defeat, he swears he will return and every time he does. His fight has gone on so long that even the series history has split. One side chronicling from a point where he actually succeeds in completing the Triforce and gaining the power to dominate the world. At what point to we chalk it all up to daddy issues and plan an intervention?
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| How much wax do you think he uses on that thing? |
- Dr Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik - Sonic the Hedgehog
"Muhahaha! You fools must all have a deathwish! Witness this invincible battleship built by the hands of a genius! Its power UNMATCHED throughout the universe!"Bold statements like that and the fact he resembles President Theodore Roosevelt aside, Dr Robotnik is a genius. Looking past the small detail that his arch nemesis is a super-fast, blue hedgehog of his own creation, sure, he's a genius. It's not like they hand PhDs to just anyone. (*Glances at the other "doctor" on the list*) I mean it's not like he constructs massive robots and other machines with the sole purpose of conquering the planet just to then give them stupid names like "Egg Dragoon" and "Death Egg"... Oh, Robotnik...
Robotnik's M.O. has remained pretty much the same over the past 30-odd years: kidnap a bunch of woodland critters, mechanise them, ????, conquer the world. (And collect all the Chaos Emeralds, because bling is important when you rule the world) Flawless as that plan seems, it never takes into account the interference of Sonic (the aforementioned blue hedgehog). Sometimes Dr Robotnik gets the upper hand but those occasions are few and far between. And let's not talk about the "gas leak year" that was 2006...
Dr Robotnik was the first villain I ever had to face. In a game where the was no text or dialogue, you race through the initial stages until the screen stops moving and the music changes. Slowly Dr Robotnik floats in on his wee, one-man pod and tries to ram into you. No introduction, no monologue. Just straight into the action. He's become somewhat chattier in recent years but when you have a mouthy rodent mocking you for three decades you would have something to say about it as well.
- Handsome Jack - Borderlands 2
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| Yeah, that's a mask of his own face on his own face. It's kind of a long story. |
"Man, this one guy in New Haven, right? City's burning, people dying, blah blah blah. This guy rushes me with a spoon. A fricking spoon! And I'm just laughing. So I scoop out his eyeballs and his kids are like, "Aghhhh!", and, ah... you had to be there. Anyway, the moral is: you're a bitch."You've got to respect Handsome Jack. Seriously, if you don't he'll probably blast you from orbit with his massive space station. Just saying. Jack is the worst kind of villain. He doesn't just want you dead, he also goes out of his way to hurt your feelings as well. He's egomaniacal, self-centered, cruel and worst of all, he thinks he's the hero of the story.
From his lofty position in the Hyperion moon base, Jack floats above the planet of Pandora like a vengeful, petty god. He isn't really one for getting his own hands dirty unless really pushed to do so. He does have a softer side. As a father, he cares for his daughter. He cares for her by locking her in a sealed chamber, forcing her to trick Vault Hunters (think treasure hunters) into unwittingly doing his bidding. So he's not getting any "Worlds Best Dad" mugs anytime soon. Jack very much believes in the end justifying the means. Your end means he wins.
Handsome Jack has a rare quality in an antagonist. When he starts to monologue you actually want to listen to what he says. About 90% of the things he says will be insulting you or a threat but he has a way of being so damn charming it's hard not to love him. There is a part of you that wants to believe that Jack IS the good guy, but against the evidence and the fact that that would make you the bad guy this feeling diminishes quickly. When you kill him you get to keep his mask so in a way "Handsome Jack" does win. As long as you don't mind changing your name...
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| Jack be cruel, Jack be sick, you look at him wrong, he'll kill you quick! |
- Jack of Blades - Fable
"The Gods and Demons you fear and worship are as nothing to me!"Jack of Blades is possibly my favourite villain from a game. The voice, the look, the backstory (that frustratingly doesn't really feature in the actual game). He is the complete package. When you first meet him he seems like a well-respected Hero of Albion. Of course, in Albion, they have a very loose interpretation as to what a "Hero" is. You are still called a hero when your eyes glow red and you can hang washing to dry on your horns.
Jack of Blades is aeons old. He was one of three beings that came from a place called The Void. (I hear it's very nice this time of year.) Together with the Queen and Knight of Blades, they formed the Court. Their goal was to rule Albion and after much resistance, they succeeded. A Hero known as William Black rose up and managed to defeat the Court. However, Jack was able to seal his soul into his mask. Throughout the years many have worn the mask and become "Jack of Blades". His latest, and final, appearance saw him try and take control of Albion once more. He tries to manipulate the Hero of Oakvale (you) and failing that has him locked in prison. Once defeated he reveals a much deadlier form, a motherfluffing DRAGON! So yeah that happens, in a volcano no less, just to ramp up the awesomeness. Once finally slain the Hero has the option of throwing the mask into the lava, destroying it, or donning it, becoming the new vessel for Jack of Blades.
Jack is such a fantastic baddie. He has no issue killing anyone that gets in his way, woman, children, entire towns. Ultimately his true enemy is destiny. The in-game canon has him die at the hands of the Hero of Oakvale. He is fully aware of this and in a way that makes me feel for him. Imagine knowing how you would die, you would do everything in your power to stop it right? However, destiny being the tricky beast that it is, it's Jacks attempt to kill you as a child that sends you on a direct course towards him in the first place. Sometimes the best thing to do is just leave it well enough alone.
I know what you're thinking, where's GLaDOS? She's awesome. You're right, she is. But I don't consider her an antagonist. She's just doing science. The purest of all motivations. If anything Chell is the villain, lab rats should be happy with the promise of cheese, not get stroppy when it turns out the cheese is a lie. (Whew, avoided that tired meme) Anyway, a few shiny examples of what I think makes a good baddie. I'm sure I've got a few more but frankly, if I gather anymore in the one place they'll form some sort of evil cabal. Got anyone you hate to love? Let us know, smell ya later!
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