LIST - Who Needs Hearts When You've Got Smarts

A few of these entries were originally on my "Top Villains" list. Then I realised they needed a special list all to themselves so I could include the, eh, less evil machines in games. (Maybe not "evil", more "socially ambiguous")

• Dr Nefarious - Ratchet & Clank

  

  I always hated biology!

Maybe the obvious choice would have been Clank. He is one of the titular heroes of the franchise. Dr Nefarious has many superior qualities over Clack lacks, however.

1. He steals every scene he's in. 
2. He has a flair for the dramatic verging on insane. 
3. He has a long-suffering butler called Lawrence. 
4. When he becomes too stressed he short circuits and starts broadcasting a romantic radio drama. 
5. Possibly best of all, he's voiced by Armin Shimerman. (Principle Snyder from Buffy and Quark from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Nefarious hates organic life or "squishies" as he calls them. (A theme for a lot of these characters on the list will be the derogatory terms they have for people) Generally, his plans revolve around destroying solar systems or converting living creatures into robots. (He and Robotnik should get together sometime) His recent reboot in the new Ratchet & Clank game/movie shows you his origins from before he becomes a robot. (Look up the post credit scene for the movie, probably the best 3 mins of the whole thing) There his motivation for planetary destruction comes from being bullied by the would-be hero, Captain Quark.

I always enjoy the Ratchet & Clank series for its imaginative weaponry and "Saturday morning cartoon" style of humour. Dr Nefarious entered as the perfect recurring villain with his over-the-top plans for planetary destruction. While, given his back story, it would be easy to sympathise with him, Nefarious goes out of his way to be the least likeable person in any given room. Probably why I like him so much.

• HK-47 - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

  

  I am like a veritable fable, warning
  against the karma caused by
  murdering others. What utter irony.

Statement: HK-47 is the deadliest robot on this list. The Star Wars universe has a fair few droids at its disposal. C-3PO, R2-D2, BB-8 and IG-88 to name the bare minimum. None of them compares to HK-47 though. Built from scratch by a Sith Lord with the sole purpose of killing Jedi elevates you somewhat from the crowd. While being an artificial intelligence, it's clear HK has no qualms about his base programming. Even going as far as reprimanding you, as the player, for sparing a life or doing a good deed.

Explanation: One of HK-47s various quirks lies in the way he speaks. Before every sentence, he states the nature of the statement whether it be a question, explanation or opinion.(Usually with a mocking tone depending on your actions) While you would think having a sarcastic robot with a thirst for blood by your side would possibly lead to some awkward situations (and it does), HK is one of the most honest, loyal companions you have when navigating the dangers of space. Depending on how you play KOTOR (Light side or Dark side) doesn't really do much to change his attitude towards you or other "meatbags" however his loyalty to you is seemingly unbreakable, even being forced to call you "Master". (Though it does turn out he has relieved himself of previous "masters")

Opinion: KOTOR is two of the best (possibly nostalgia talking) RPGs I've played. Starting off you are lumped in with some pretty generic characters, some of whom open up and become much more interesting as the story goes on. (Depending on Light or Dark) HK-47  instantly shines, however. He speaks his mind, has little regard for others and sees the universe in a simple "target/non-target" way. He's not bad, he's just built that way.

• GLaDOS - Portal

  

  We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested
  me, I tested you. You killed me, I...oh,
  no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you
  yet. Well. Food for thought.

GLaDOS or Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System has possibly the clearest of visions on this list. She's only motivated by one thing: Science! Is there anything purer? No. Built by Aperture Science as an artificial housing for the mind of Aperture's CEO, Cave Johnson, beyond his death. He died shortly before the completion of the project and the mind of his assistant, Caroline, was used instead. (Not sure it was willing given most of Aperture Sciences working practises)

Your first encounter with GLaDOS is over the speaker systems of the Enrichment Centre. At first, everything is normal. Place box on switch, open door, redirect laser, open door, use complex series of portals to place box on switch and redirect lasers, open door. Just your usual standardised testing. She's even pretty supportive, a little critical but supportive. As you progress through the tests you are reassured that at the end you will be rewarded with some delicious cake. (That's the only time I'll mention it, honest) Unfortunately, this turns out to be untrue. Once you reach the conclusion of the final test you board the Unstationary Scaffold and watch in increasing horror as you are descended into an Incinerator Room. GLaDOS does assure you that none of the scientific equipment you're carrying will be harmed by the high temperatures. (Whew)

Portal could have just been an interesting tech demo showcasing Valves mastery of physics and level design. The robotic voice you have guiding you throughout the game could have been just that and while we would have wowed at the intricacies of some of the puzzle ideas there would have been very little reason to go back to it. GLaDOS makes Portal. Thinking with portals is cool but unless you have the cold, analytical (and hilarious) criticism she is so very good at urging you on there would be no incentive to even finish the game, let alone play a sequel. So play them if you haven't already. For Science. (And Cake) (I lied)

• CL4P-TP - Borderlands

  

  Aaaaaaaand opeeeen!

This guy. This complete asshat. He is the most annoying, useless, idiotic, sad piece of scrap robotics you'll ever meet. Too harsh? Not if you've talked to him for more than a sentence. Created by Hyperion (a whole company of asshats) as a steward of sorts, his main function is to help Vault Hunters navigate Pandora in search of Vaults and the treasure said to lie within. Claptrap is (supposedly) the last of his series. The rest of his brethren having been systematically destroyed for being one of the words used at the start of the paragraph. You would think that would upset him, and it does greatly. Unfortunately, he's programmed to speak in nothing but an upbeat, optimistic tone so you'd never know his great sorrow unless he told you. (Which he does. A lot.)

Getting off the bus at the start of Borderlands you are greeted by this cheery little guy. Little do you know the kind of cowardice, stupidity and betrayal he will demonstrate in your time with him. Beset by bandits, he asks you to protect him as he runs for cover. At various points in the game Claptrap will sell you out to save his own skin (eh, metal) only to come scurrying back when all his backup is dead. His programming gets overwritten at the very end by Hyperion and becomes I.N.A.C. (Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap) for a short period of time. Technically this makes him a bit of a badass, restarting production on CL4P-TP units and raising a glorious "robolution". His base programming eventually wins out, however, reverting him back to the snivelling little rust bucket you know and hate. (It's literally the only fight he wins and it's against himself)

I have been pretty harsh. CL4P-TP does open doors that are otherwise game-haltingly locked. He does this a fair few times. He is the equivalent to a door knob. Claptrap is a door knob. Claptrap is a knob. Yup.

• Legion - Mass Effect

  

  Organics fear us. We wish to understand,
  not incite.

A bit of flavour text: The Geth are a race of A.I. constructs, created as menial labour by another race called quarians. Having turned on their creators after realising their existence was tantamount to slavery, the Geth became enslaved by Reapers. They don't really catch a break. (Technical talk over, sorry) Legion is met with hostility by most of the other characters in Mass Effect. At an initial glance, he's just another Geth unit, making people understandably intimidated. (Plus being 6'6")   Initially thought to be another hostile unit you open fire at Legion until you realise the shots he's firing at you are taking out the enemy sneaking up behind you. (lol tropes)

Officially the only "good" robot on the list. Ironic considering you spend most of Mass Effect blasting his kind back to the digital stone-age. Legion is a collective of A.I. constructs in one body. (1,183 Geth programs to be exact) Considering the average Geth unit has only 100 this is considered a bit of an anomaly by everyone who meets him, her... it? His mission has been to follow in your footsteps and try to break the hold the Reapers (giant evil robot space lice) has on the Geth. Depending on how you play this can go a variety of ways. (Some of these ways may even bring a tear to a synthetic eye) He isn't your regular unfeeling robot. Legion asks questions most people would rather not answer. He raises the issue of having a soul despite knowing he was created by another race. What is a soul? (Eh, too deep, pull back)

Once I got Legion I basically kept him at my side for the rest of the games. While having the intelligence of the entire Geth collective he constantly asks questions to do with morality and existence that results in some interesting dialogue depending on who else you travel with. It's fun, honest. Who wouldn't want a tall, would-be murder-bot quizzing you on every choice you make and why? YAY SPACE!

• Clockwerk - Sly Raccoon

  

  Revenge is the prime ingredient in the fountain of
    youth. I've kept myself alive for thousands of years
   with a steady diet of jealousy and hate, awaiting the
   day when I would finally eclipse your family's thieving
   reputation.

Murderer! Thief! Madma... bird! These are things that Clockwerk is but you would be incredibly stupid to say these things to his beak. He has earned those titles through a history of jealousy and hate for the Cooper Clan that has spanned thousands of years. Slowly but surely replacing each part of himself with a robotic substitute in order to pursue his goal of surpassing the Coopers and becoming the world's greatest thief.

Originally from what would eventually be known as Russia (considering he's around 10,000 years old it's a little unclear), Clockwerk brings together various other nasty folks to form the Fiendish Five. Together they take down Conner Cooper and steal the Thievius Raccoonus. (A book of tips and tricks to becoming a master thief) With this, he and his gang hold the world to ransom. While never directly interacting with his cohorts he supplied them with advanced technology and makes sure that the pieces of the book stay in their sticky fingers. It's clear from the moment you meet him face to face he sees emotions as a weakness which he has stripped from himself. He's so super-villainy he even has his lair in an active volcano and has a penchant for the dramatic by kidnapping Sly Cooper's love interest, Carmelita Fox, to lure Sly to his doom.

The best kind of Big Bad is the behind-the-scenes, mysterious mastermind kind. (In my opinion, and you're reading this so you must be kinda interested in that) Clockwerk has all the characteristics of the owl he used to be; he waits for his prey to let his guard down then strikes fast. When he hunts, he does so solo. He has 360 vision and laser eyes. (Like all owls, why are you looking at me weird?) While in the end, it was his hubris that was his downfall, it's pretty impressive that over thousands of years Clockwerk managed to replace every living part of himself and gain immortality without opposable thumbs.

Well, assuming Skynet isn't about to activate let's hope we're still a few years away from actually encountering some of these guys. ALL HAIL OUR ROBOTIC OVERLORDS! Eh, I mean, have a great day guys!