LIST - I Have the POWER!

It doesn't matter how good you are. Sometimes you need that extra something to get you through a tough situation. (Like caffeine) Here are a few examples of how you can be better without so much as breaking a sweat. (Unlike caffeine, am I right?)

• Overshield - Halo
  

You are one man against a fanatical, alien invasion. Sure, you're surrounded by Marines and tanks and guns but against these insurmountable odds, you're essentially alone. You have all the power that the Mjolnir Power Armour has to offer and years of intense combat training but even that isn't enough at times. As you rush through the imploding corridors of the Pillar of Autumn, enemy drop pods are unleashing Hell before you. You duck in cover in the nearest vacated drop pod, you turn in the hopes that the enemy has left behind some serious artillery. They haven't. Just a couple of grenades and a strange, glowing box.

BvvvvvVVVV. That's the sound you hear when you pick it up. Your vision goes green for a moment and you watch as your shield doubles, no, triples. Those Covenant bastards are about to get a taste of unstoppable Master Chief action. You burst out of that drop pod like Covenant is about to take your last Rolo. You're running into a group of Grunts, dropping grenades at your feet because you'll be damned if they are getting a taste of that sweet chocolate goodness... wait, I've lost my train of thought. The overshield is pretty rad guys.

• Quad Damage - Quake
  

QUAD DAMAGE! It doesn't matter what gun you're holding when you pick up this epic relic. Anyone in front of you when you start pulling the trigger is getting reduced to red mist in seconds.
These are normally hidden away off in a secret chamber. You can't just hand these things around like the genocide-inducing candy it clearly is. This guy helps you mow down the legions of nasty (and rather rude, if I may say) aliens that have decided to use your face for target practice. Of course, that's just in the story mode.
In a fair amount of the multiplayer maps, the Quad Damage is there, displayed on a visible (but tricky to get to) point. A prize for anyone determined enough to get the edge (and what an edge it is) in the fight. Once picked up, every other player in the match quickly realises that they have someone else to murder in the next room. Those a little slower on the uptake, maybe while laughing at your magnum vs. their plasma rifle, become another digit in your respective kill/death ratios.

• Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator (Overcharged) - Half-Life 2
  

Gordon Freeman has a number of problems. (A bitch ain't one) He's just a guy who went to work one day, witnessed the fabric of reality tear open, fight for his life against invading alien hoards with a crowbar and deal with trained military soldiers trying to cover up said alien invasion.
That was before he gets his hands on a gravity gun. (Which is as awesome as it sounds) You spend a lot of time playing junkyard basketball with a robot Dog and making meticulous bridges of debris to avoid getting eaten by antlions. (Think of an ant that's as big as a lion that wants you dead) That's how you spend 8 hours of the game, more or less.
Then something magical (or sciencey) happens. The gravity gun gets super-powered as you start storming the Big Bad's base. You go from tossing around wooden planks to picking up enemy troops and firing them at their squad mates. Grabbing an energy core from a nearby container, you release it to bounce around the room, disintegrating anyone it comes into contact with. It's the most physics-based fun you can have with your clothes on.

• Invincibility Star - Mario
  

Mario draws power from a lot of bizarre sources. Mushrooms that make you bigger? Alright, sure. (Though I'm thoroughly against Nintendo's pro-fungus agenda) A dead leaf that outfits you in a Japanese racoon dog costume and lets you fly with a wag of its tail? Wait a minute. I'm not even sure who's putting these dots together anymore. A spring. A bee. An arsonist. Mario has quite the eclectic selection of power-ups at his disposal.

So there's this star that makes you invincible. Actually, that isn't that far-fetched at this stage. If anything, it makes the most sense. As divine blessings go, it's pretty on the nose. So bop your head on a (?) block and watch in wonder as the little, five-pointed friend emerges and playfully bounces away from you. Watch as, nine times out of ten, that same little friend will fly over a bunch of enemies you'll have to deal with and nosedive down the nearest hole. But wait, while you were watching your friend perform that completely pointless gymnastics display those enemies have decided to trample all over your moustachioed face. Better luck next time.

• Power Pellet - Pac-Man
  

To the best of my knowledge (a.k.a. without googling it to look smart) Pac-Man has no story. That's fine. More room for extreme interpretation for me then. So there's this guy, Pac-Man, and he's super hungry. Now the problem is all there is to eat is an entire house full of breadcrumbs. In order for him to make it to the next day, he'll have to eat all the breadcrumbs. (As all students know, breadcrumbs don't exactly go a long way) Every now and then, P-M will find a stash of fresh fruit. Well, this all sounds great.
Unfortunately, all this food is guarded by four ghosts. One touch from one of these guardian ghouls and you deflate faster than a balloon in a needle factory. Luckily Pac-Man has one line of defence against instant death. The Power Pellets turn the tables and allow Pac to munch on the ghosts themselves. (I wonder what a ghost tastes like) You now have a limited time to chase after them and get a few extra bonus points. (And a moments peace) Of course, being spirits, they come back. "What is dead may never die". (Fun alternative fact: Balon Greyjoy's children are named after each of the ghosts in Pac-Man as it was the only videogame available on Pyke until they got wifi)

Personally, I'll stick to coffee. I find I have to deal with a lot less hassle getting a cup than most of these other pick-me-ups. Though if anyone has a spare gravity gun kicking about I'll be your besty for a wee go. Kisses.

LIST - The Heroes You Need AND Deserve

A few weeks ago I showcased a few villains I thought you should be on the lookout for. You know, like a public service announcement. Under no circumstances should you approach those individuals! Thankfully there are people on hand for such an occasion. They've got to be strong and they've got to be fast. They've got to be fresh from the fight. Really what I'm saying is: I need a hero.

He's climbing through your window,
snatching yo' gemstones up!
Eh... for justice? 

• Sly Cooper - Sly Raccoon

Sly Cooper is many things. Suave, cunning, a racoon, a thief. Not what you would expect from a list of heroes. In fact, he isn't even initially that heroic. The last of a great dynasty of master thieves Sly is the proud owner of the Thievius Raccoonus. A book that has every trick his ancestors have developed to pull off the perfect heist.

At a young age Sly witnesses the murder of his parents at the hands (or rather talons) of the villainous owl, Clockwerk. Clockwerk steals the Thievius Raccoonus and uses it to become the most renowned thief in the world. Que standard revenge/vengeance plot line that you come to expect from such scenarios. Sly is different, however. Jumping to his adult years, he's not the dark, brooding antihero you would expect. He cracks wise, he's almost always got a smile on his face and in the process of retrieving his families book he shuts down some pretty shady operations. He doesn't need to, he can easily just take what's his and be on his way. He takes the time to plan out elaborate heists that not only get him what he wants but also helps Interpol capture some of the most dangerous villains in the world. Who said there isn't any honour among thieves?

• Mario - Super Mario Bros.

This character has been
pixilated for his own
protection.

An evil dragon has kidnapped the princess and locked her up in his castle. Who's up to the task of saving her? A knight? A prince? An ogre? How about a fat, Italian plumber hooked on 'shrooms? The choice is obvious really. Mario has been making the run to Bowser's Castle for almost 30 years now. Now that's a cardio workout.

Mario has committed himself to saving a woman well out of his league. (Both in looks and status) This either makes him the most heroic "Everyman" or the saddest example of friend-zoning in existence. I like to think it's the former. Here we have an average Joe who will sprint/swim/fly/roll/slide his way across a whole world's worth of hostile environments to save a woman who, at most, will reward him with a peck on the cheek.

Mario is a hero to every person who has gone to the very depths of Hell to achieve the love of another just to get a smile and an "oh gee, thanks" in return. Sun praise you, sir!

• Sonic - Sonic the Hedgehog

Look at him, taunting
you with all his 90s sass.

We very nearly didn't have Sonic. Imagine the world without him for a second. (It's okay, I imagine he hasn't existed since the mid-90s as well) We almost had Dr Robotnik as the hero of his own game. How many more years until we got another animal hero, if we would at all? No Croc, no Banjo-Kazooie, no Crash Bandicoot. Just various kid-targeted games with American president look-a-likes as the protagonist. (Who even knows if furries would exist!)

Fear not! We got the super fast hedgehog. That nightmare scenario I was describing was just a "what if". No need to panic. He's been protecting the woodland creatures of Mobius from mechanisation for at least 25 years. He doesn't even get paid for the service he provides. (Unless you count the solid gold rings that inexplicably float everywhere.)

I've said before that Sonic was one of my first games. I can go back to the original games and find a fun that is completely lacking in the most recent releases. (By recent I'm going as far back as Sonic 3D for the Sega Saturn) The closest it's come to returning to its former glory is Sonic Generations. The 2D levels make me nostalgic for the classics and the 3D levels aren't hot garbage. (Pretty high praise, I know) Fingers crossed for Sonic Mania later this year.

• Samus Aran - Metroid

  

  Hey Samus, the 80s called and
  want their shoulder pads back.
  Said no sane person ever.

Bounty hunting in the depths of space can be tough. The solitary environment must be crushing at times. Luckily, the universe is full of scum and villainy to keep Samus company. An energy weapon strapped to her right hand and inside a Power Suit gifted to her by the ancient and advanced Chozo, Samus is more than equipped to deal with it. 

Having lost her parents and home at the hands of Ridley and his Space Pirates (not as swash-bucklely or musical as they sound), she is rescued and trained by the Chozo to become the Protector of the Galaxy. (The Guardians weren't hiring apparently) It was there she was outfitted with the aforementioned gear and sent off into the galaxy and defend it.

Pretty much my only experience with Samus and the Metroid series is the Prime games. They were my favourite games on the GameCube. Long, frustrating at times, so full of details and stuff to do. Collectables either powered you up or told you a bit of lore. (I might dig out my GameCube...) Needless to say, as Samus, you feel like a total badass blasting Space Pirates and other nasties away with your arsenal of beams and rockets. That is until you trip over a rock or sit up too fast and lose all the power-ups at the start of a new game.

• George Stobbart - Broken Sword

  

  This could easily be a cartoon
  drawing of MacGyver, you
  don't know!

Imagine the secret agent, MacGyver. Now imagine he's a patent lawyer called George Stobbart. Those are pretty much the only two differences between them. High-flying adventure: check. Improvising in dangerous situations with nothing but a variety of household objects you've found lying around: check. That hair: check. It's pretty uncanny.

Anyway. My point is George is a pretty resourceful guy. He's also pretty unlucky. He can't seem to take a holiday without getting caught up in some conspiracy or another. He's fought actual Knights of the Templar Order and stopped the Aztec god, Tezcatlipoca, from being released upon the world. The guy just wants to enjoy a nice coffee in a nice cafe in Paris, is that too much to ask?

As much as I'm gushing about this handsome man and his amazing accomplishments there is a bigger hero at work on these adventures. I'm talking about George's pockets. I'm envious of how seemingly void-like they are. He can fit almost anything into them, from a clown's nose to a manhole opener. (Seriously, if you've seen one of those things your mouth would be agape watching George slide it inside his coat like he's wearing a Tardis) I remember wanting to go on adventures like George when I was wee. I just need to find his tailor...

• Lara Croft - Tomb Raider

  

  Maybe she's born with it.
  Maybe it's tomb dust and
  animal viscera.

There are few video game characters that have gone through as many reboots as Lara and survived to tell the tale. She's gone from being a comically proportioned nerd's wet dream to being one of gamings most adaptable adventurers. Shipwreck her on any island, she'll have the place tamed and mercenary-free within days. (Or your money back) Going from fresh-faced explorer to hardened survivalist can take a lot of characters half of their respective games to achieve. Not Lara, she learns fast.

I don't think I've finished a Tomb Raider game pre-Legend. In fact, up until a few years ago, I hadn't even finished the Great Wall of China level in TR2, a game I got the same year it came out. (Stupid tigers, stupid spike traps, stupid boulder) That never deterred me from the series though. The small bits I could get done I enjoyed immensely. With the most recent reboot, my appreciation has grown. Lara has become a character that you could feasibly believe would exist. (If not the island full of ancient Japanese spirits) At some point in her slog across the island, she's confronted with yet more mercenaries and starts shouting "Die you bastards". What was weird was she said it exactly in sync with me. Sometimes conflict brings us closer together.

All the Force and lightsaber skills in
the universe can't get you a decent
shave apparently...

• Kyle Katarn - Star Wars: Dark Forces 

Kyle is a bit of a special case. I could have had him on the list of villains. He's been on both sides of the Imperial/Rebel conflict as an officer then a mercenary. Harnessing the Force for Light and Dark as well. I feel he doesn't get the attention he's due in regards to his place in the Star Wars universe. (At least not anymore with Disney un-canoning characters and events left and right) I'm going to talk about him as if he still matters. (Because he does to me dammit!)

The Dark Forces and subsequent Jedi Knight series focus mainly around Kyle and his antics. They're set during and after the events of the original trilogy. Spoiler: Kyle stole the Death Star plans first. You needed to know that. That's how much of a big deal he is. He's also pretty good friends with Luke Skywalker and is one of the top Jedis at the Yavin IV Jedi Academy. Throughout the series, Kyle takes down more Sith and destroys more Imperial bases than the entire Rebel effort put together. He's a one-man army with control over the Force. Sure, at one point he's corrupted by the Dark Side but we all have our off days.

My first time playing as him came in a demo my friend had on PC. It was just one level (which I found out was from half way through the game) but we would both take turns playing it over and over again, never getting tired of blowing away Stormtroopers with our Concussion Rifle. (Space shotgun) When I finally got my hands on the full game it was like someone turned the lights on. There was a story (which was damn good), there were more weapons (including a lightsaber) and there were more Force powers than I thought possible. (I was only about 8, bear in mind) For an FPS it was stunning. I hadn't ever gotten into Doom or Quake. Jedi Knight and Half-Life were my avenues for shooty bang bang fun. It's constantly on sale on Steam, pick them up!

I'll probably think of half a dozen more protagonists that I would have wanted to add to this list right after posting it. I know there's more that deserve the attention. For now be assured that if you're in trouble, if the world is seeming a dark and scary place, you can rely on the assistance of two talking mammals, a plumber, a patent lawyer, an archaeology student, a bounty hunter and a Jedi. (Actually, the last two sound like a safe bet) Think of anyone who you would want to save your day, leave a comment.