REVIEW - Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy - Orange Was The New Blue

Name: Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy

Developer: Vicarious Visions

Publisher: Activision

Platform: PlayStation 4

Well, look who it is. It's everyone's favourite spinning mascot. (Eh, the orange one, not the blue one) Yes, Crash Bandicoot is back and ready to relive his first three adventures. Time to game like it's 1996! And '97 and '98. (Jeez, yearly releases. Who did it think it was? Assassin's Creed?)

First off, the game looks lovely. The backgrounds and character designs have been remade shiny and new for our eyes to appreciate. (I did fiddle about with the buttons at one point to see if I could switch between old and new but alas no) New cutscenes add a bit more depth to the overall story and additional voice acting round off the experience nicely. The gameplay itself, however, seems to have remained much the same. This isn't a bad thing but when starting it up you have to remember that 3D platforming in the mid-90s was still in its early stages. For a 20-year-old set of games, they stand up pretty well. Some of the levels later in each of the games require the precision of a highly trained assassin to land specific jumps. The timing of certain obstacles becomes a memory game of trial and error. Crash Bandicoot does not hold your hand basically. You get a wee reminder in the corner of the screen telling you how to jump and spin at the start then your left to jump and spin your way through the rest of the game. While the levels can provide a steep challenge at times they remain fun and reminiscent of a time 3D platform games were the go-to genre for most gamers.

All the music is either the original or slightly modified version of the iconic soundtrack. (I've had the main menu music stuck in my head in work for the best part of a week now) All the sound effects from the "shwoop" of a wumpa fruit to the "aboogada" of an Aku Aku pick up are the originals. It's small touches like that that make the remaster feel like it was a passion project for those making it. (Vicarious Visions having been involved with various Crash related projects in the past this come as no surprise) Even Naughty Dog themselves have gone on record to say they are "very pleased and touched" by the efforts of Vicarious Vision on the CB remaster.

There are a few new features added to keep fans of the originals eager to play the series again. You can now play as Crash's sister, Coco, in most of the levels. (Excluding boss fights and a few select levels) She handles much the same as her brother with the spinning and the jumping. Rather inexplicably there are three gold trophies on offer for killing five enemies as her in each of the games. (I have no idea what makes her so special) For the most part, the character swap is just a fun cosmetic change. (Unless someone has experienced something different, let me know) While there were always checkpoints in the originals, this time the game will put a few extra in if you keep dying at a specific point. (It's probably one of the few times the game will extend an olive branch) On the world map you can save/load your game at the touch of a button and autosave has been added. (There's even a throwback that made me laugh until I remembered it made me feel old)

Time trials have been added to all the levels in the first and second games as well as returning to the third instalment. While some of the levels in Crash seem made for speed running, a lot of the later levels can have you waiting for openings and throw unexpected hazards at you that make the fun of beating the clock feel a little too much of a chore. Needless to say, as some of the game's trophies are tied into getting Gold times on all levels I won't be receiving "dat plat" anytime soon. (Or ever) Loading screens are long. A little too long for a game that came out 20 years ago and has essentially just had a facelift. During these screens, you'll be given a little hint for that level, either a tip for beating the boss or that beating the level without dying and breaking all the boxes gets you a special Gem. (These levels are mostly in the last third of the original game, making it some of the most frustrating gaming since I last picked up Bloodborne. No joke)

I want this on my tombstone

Maybe someday soon we'll get an announcement about a Crash Team Racing remaster. Oh, what a glorious day that would be. If you didn't play it the first time it was a pretty solid racing game akin to Diddy Kong Racing and Mario Kart. I Have my fingers crossed for that one. In the meantime, I still have my hog and my tiger. (I don't include the baby polar bear because I only really played the first and third Crash back in the day)

Would I recommend this game to you? Aye. It's hard as balls and doesn't reward you for your efforts like a lot of games do now but frankly, that's pretty refreshing. You have lives, you can get a game over and despite your best efforts you will still fail to get that collectable you've spent the best part of an hour trying to unlock. But in that process you hone your reaction times, you get a little more focused. (A cup fell off the counter the morning of writing this and I caught it without looking. Whispered a prayer to Saint Crash) Sticking on a few levels to pass the time is easy as you're not bogged down in a confusing narrative, you just run and spin and smash boxes until the level ends.

Most prices are at around the £30-£35 mark. Works out at roughly a tenner a game which I had no issue spending. Available for retail and download for Playstation 4.

BOSS RUSH - You're Not The Boss of Me Now

• Wheatley - Portal 2
  

Idiots with superiority complexes. You probably know a couple at least. Lording it over you like you couldn't find your arse with both hands. Wheatley is one such individual. He comes across as a bumbling yet endearing sidekick for the start of your adventure. He's just trying to help you escape the technological dungeon you've been trapped in for 999999? years. (And disturb as many birds nests as possible it seems)
After a brush with GLaDOS and subsequent fight, you install him as the new OS for the facility. There he is, waving you off as he sends your elevator up to the surface... Wait... he's just realised something. You'd make the perfect test subject for some of the new experiments his new found "intelligence" has conjured up. (Don't call him a moron, he doesn't like that) So you run like the little lab rat you are through a gauntlet of increasingly moronic, (ahem) sorry, challenging portal puzzles.
Once you finally meet up with him again, face to lightbulb, he welcomes you to HIS LAIR! A little over dramatic by most people's standards. He says he's watched the footage of you beating GLaDOS repeatedly and learned from her mistakes. Turning on the deadly neurotoxin and equipping himself with a bomb shield, Wheatley thinks himself unstoppable. Thankfully you have a plan. With the aid of GLaDOS you portal around the room, stunning him with bombs and attaching corrupted cores to his body. This is to ultimately get the whole system to reject him and get GLaDOS back in command. Up to a point, the plan is a success. The system releases the override button. You portal to it. You get blown up! Oh yeah, Wheatley booby trapped it. It doesn't look good. (Did I mention that the place is falling down around you? No? Probably because my skills at a linear narrative are as top notch as Wheatley's ability to Science) The roof falls in to reveal the Moon. As a last ditch attempt, you fire a portal onto the Moon, creating a vacuum that begins to suck everything into space. (Including you) After a brief struggle, with Wheatley being flung screaming into the void, you are pulled back by GLaDOS.
I haven't laughed so hard during a final boss battle. The humour of the Portal series is brilliant. When the Moon comes into view I had to pause the game because I saw what was coming and there were tears in my eyes. It was a perfect "look behind you/I'm not falling for that" moment that I can honestly not remember being used so well (if at all) in another game. 

• Poseidon - God of War 3
  

God of War games likes to open with a bang. Kratos has fought off krackens, the Colossus of Rhodes, the occasional Titan or two. God of War 3 starts with you climbing up the body of the Titan, Gaia, while she climbs Mt. Olympus. Zeus, being the grumpy curmudgeon that he is, doesn't appreciate you trampling over his nice mountain and sends his brother, Poseidon, to deal with you.

So you're 20 minutes into the game and you already have the God of the Sea on your case. Luckily at this stage, Kratos is an old hand at dispatching deities. Poseidon doesn't just phone it in because he's the first boss either. The Lord of all things Soggy rocks up with a body made of water, stone and seafood parts. He's got tentacles and a trident to boot and he's going to try to send you back down the mountain. (It's a bit like that show Gladiator, except slightly higher stakes. And tentacles)

Rolling around, taking desperate slashes at the King of Splashes, you have an awesome view of other Titans climbing alongside you. The fight itself takes place right on top of Gaia's head. Starting off with a bit of smack talk, Poseidon embeds his crab claw-tipped tentacles into her face while using his trident to throw lightning at you. After slashing the claws free Gaia takes the opportunity to smash Poseidon against the side of Olympus, pinning him in place. Kratos then goes one-on-one with the "head" of the beast, beating on him until the core where the real Poseidon is enclosed is revealed. A repeat assault on Gaia's face ensues. After fending him off the second time, Gaia throws a punch. (Considering she's the size of a mountain you can guess it's no love tap she's dishing out either) After a brief struggle, she lands her hit, knocking you through the "body" and sending Kratos and the real Poseidon onto a nearby cliff edge. As Kratos stands up you see the watery creature Poseidon had created melt away down the mountain side.
Now it's just the two of them. A little more smack talk occurs. ("You're going to die/No, you're going to die" It's all very highbrow stuff) Once the prompt appears Kratos starts to wail on Poseidon, each hit being witnessed from Poseidon's point of view. It's a fantastic display of the brutal force that Kratos has become during his adventure plus an excellent way to start off the closing chapter of his assault on the Greek Gods. After a POV double eye gouge, Poseidon's broken body is cast over the cliff, landing in the ocean and creating a flood that seemingly engulfs the world. (Curious how they explain that In the new God of War)

• Erich Soders - HITMAN
  

You don't really get boss fights in Hitman. In fact, targets are more like puzzles. But in the interest of the topic, I'm  considering 2016s HITMAN a boss rush/puzzle murder spree in which Erich Soders is a shiny example of excellence. He's lying on a super high-tech operation table waiting for some advanced (and slightly shady) medical procedures. He can't run away if alerted (medically induced comas have that side effect) but he does have a freaking legion of suited goons that will mow you down at the slightest sign of barcoded assassin.

Soders is set up as the guy who has betrayed you and the Agency you work for. (Which is dumb. You and the Agency you work for are highly trained assassins) There he lies on his hospital bed, doctors moving in and out, security patrolling the corridors and guarding the doorways. You start off disguised as a patient, awaiting treatment. There are various options you can pursue. For instance, the whole hospital is run by a Hal 9000-esque A.I. called K.A.I. It does everything from page staff to operate the medical equipment. (Did Terminator teach us nothing?)
My favourite way to take Soders out is by manipulating K.A.I. to do the job for me. Breaking into his core and turning off his safety parameters should do the trick. Cool, now rather handily across from his core are the controls for the robotic arms above the operating table. After some liberal use of your fat assassin hands on a Star Trek touchscreen console, the arms will viciously "operate" on Soders until he is the appropriate level of dead. For me, the best contracts in the game are the ones you don't actually have to go near. You can flaunt your assassin skills without even entering the room.
It's no trip to the Moon or god getting their head panned in. No. You're right. I just really like robots.

THE LORE YOU KNOW - Sonic the Hedgehog

Thought it would be cool, relatively speaking, to go into the history and in the game lore of some of my favourite game series. Kind of like a history lesson that's actually interesting. I know that's what Wikipedia and the various fan-made wikis are for but this way I can learn a bit more about the stuff I love while I research for the article. Win: win.

Original Concept: Our story begins back in 1986. SEGA's original mascot Opa-Opa, star of the Fantasy Zone series, was dethroned by Alex Kidd. His game was built into the original SEGA Master System and proved to be popular with gamers. However, Nintendo's success with Mario quickly had SEGA workshopping ideas to create a new mascot they felt could compete with Mario's popularity. During the process, Yuji Naka and Naoto Oshima, lead programmer and artist respectively, put forward a few ideas to be considered. An armadillo and rabbit were both designed, the armadillo would go on to be the basis for the Team Chaotix member, Mighty. (pictured) 

The rabbit was designed to be able to pick things up with his ears. This would later be utilised in SEGA's 1995 Ristar game where the protagonist could stretch his arms to grab enemies and swing from poles. A third idea put forward (and I know I've talked about him before) was a Theodore Roosevelt look-alike in pyjamas. (Why pyjamas? It was the late 80s. Looking back, that was probably the least questionable fashion choice of the time) They wanted to include an "egg-shaped" character and so combined those two ideas to create the games main antagonist Dr Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. Yuji Naka had also been working on a programme that involved a sphere following a set path at high speed, this leads them on to creatures that curl into balls. Despite armadillos having this defensive tactic, Naka and Oshima went for a hedgehog as this could double as an offence. Colouring him blue (SEGAs signature colour) and giving him that early 90s "I'm here, deal with it" attitude we all remember fondly, the world was introduced to "Mr Needlemouse". Eh... "Sonic the Hedgehog".

Debut: Sonic the Hedgehog was first released for the SEGA Mega Drive (or SEGA Genesis if you're American) on June 23rd, 1991. The game mainly consisted of you dashing right continuously, going through loops, picking up rings and popping little animals out of robots. (Or Badniks as they're called) It was simple and elegant. It had a certain dynamic to it Mario lacked. It was everything SEGA had hoped for. Levels were set up as "Zones". Each having their own theme and obstacles. These were further split into "Stages", two levels and a boss fight. Each boss fight consisted of Dr Robotnik flying in with a device designed to kill Sonic once and for all. The original Sonic game was so successful that it was ported to the Master System (SEGAs previous system) and the Game Gear (SEGAs handheld) later that same year by developers Ancient. Both of these had to be scaled back from 16-bit to 8-bit and levels changed but the results were still just as popular. (And might I say glorious)

The Master System II model even started coming with Sonic the Hedgehog built into it, just like Alex Kidd in previous years. The premise was simple: Stop Dr Robotnik from taking over the world. That's all that was needed to get people from start to finish and enjoy the experience. The Chaos Emeralds (long standing series MacGuffins and collectables before it was cool) were introduced this early on, scattered throughout certain levels to find, unlocking an extended ending to whoever found them all. Music was provided by Masato Nakamura and his J-Pop band Dreams Come True, providing some of the most iconic and recognisable music in games today. (Psst... Up, Down, Left, Right on the title screen to hear a ding, then hold A and press Start for Level Select. Not that I would condone such tactics...)

Sequels and Innovations: On November 21, 1992, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 was released for SEGA Mega Drive. With this sequel comes a tonne of new features. Corkscrew paths and speed boosting pads are added to levels, adding a new layer of excitement to the fast-paced action. Not only was a second playable character introduced, Miles "Tails" Prower, but a second person could pick up a pad and play as Tails as well. Sonic had a new move as well, the spin dash. Holding down and pressing the B button allowed you to spin on the spot until you let go and shot off at full speed, knocking through enemies and certain walls. "Special Stages" were also presented in 3D, involving Sonic and Tails to run through a half-pipe, collecting rings and avoiding bombs until they collected enough to receive a Chaos Emerald.

Possibly the most iconic change to the series was what happened when you collected all the Chaos Emeralds. In any level, once the Emeralds were yours, once you collected 50 rings you could become Super Sonic. Gold in colour and completely invincible (except for being crushed or bottomless pits) you could essentially fly through the level, destroying every enemy you touched. (Even the camera had a hard time keeping up with you)
Again, Sonic 2 was ported to the Master System and Game Gear but without the two-player function or Sonic's "Spin Dash" attack. (Sonic does get his own paraglider though, so there's that)
Sonic 3 was released on February 2nd, 1994. Sonic and Tails were back and this time players controlling Tails could use his twin tails for limited flight. He even had the ability to swim, unlike Sonic. (Fun Fact: Yuji Naka believed that hedgehogs couldn't swim resulting in Sonic sinking like a stone in any body of water) Each "Zone" this time was split into two "Stages" each. At the end of stage 1 the player would fight a mini-boss and at the end of stage 2, they would fight Dr Robotnik in one of his machines. Each level felt more connected and story driven than in the previous games. Stage and Zone transition screens would correspond with one another to create a set path of events rather than a random series of levels stuck together. (i.e. Green Hill Zone; Labyrinth Zone; Marble Zone) Elemental shields were introduced to provide various protections to the player. There was a bubble that allowed water breathing, a fire shield that let you withstand lava and let you shoot like a fireball and an electric shield that attracted rings to you. The game also introduced another long-standing cast member, Knuckles the Enchiladas Echidna.

(Apparently, it's like a hedgehog with a long nose, who knew?) Knuckles has been tricked by Dr Robotnik into helping him stop Sonic and retrieve the Chaos Emeralds. Basically, a smug chump who doesn't realise he's a dupe until the very end. (See; Anti-Villain, The Brute, Ditzy Genius, Fatal Flaws, Genius Bruiser, Giggling Villain, Horrible Judge of Character and so much more. That's just him in Sonic 3. If you wondered why it took me a while to write this, blame TV Tropes) I had the weirdest fascination with Knuckles when I was wee. He had spikes on his fists and metal plates on his shoes, he was cool. If only you got to play as him...
Que Sonic and Knuckles, released  October 18th, 1994. Originally Sonic 3 and S&K were meant to be one game, but due to limited space on the cartridge and steep costs, this proved to be impossible. (34MB cartridges cost a mint in the early 90s. Yup, 34MB. Never complaining about the cost of a 1TB hard drive again...) As it was essentially the second half of Sonic 3, S&K picks up directly where S3 finished, having crashed Dr Robotnik's space station into the sea. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles were playable characters this time around. Sonic and Knuckles even had two separate stories to play through. The game cartridge itself incorporated a "lock-on" adapter that allowed you to plug another cartridge on top of it. Two games benefited from this greatly: Sonic 2 and 3. It allowed you to play as Knuckles in both of these games, making the gameplay slightly different. Knuckles couldn't jump as high (which arguably made some of the boss fights harder) but could glide and climb walls, opening up new areas that Sonic or Tails couldn't reach. Many reviewers at the time stated that the "lock on" feature made the previous Sonic games worth playing through again just for the experience of the new character. Other games could be plugged into the S&K game but generally, a message saying "No Way" would appear and the player would be transported to an infinite loop of "Special Stage".

Right you lovely people. I feel I've talked your ear off (or your eyes... you know what I mean) and that's a brief taste of something I would like to do with other game series I hold close to my heart. Now I know I stopped this story at the end of 1994 but past that are troubling times. I don't want to besmirch the good memories with the less good ones. More on those another time. (If you enjoyed this enough to want another time that is) In the meantime let me leave you with a couple of pictures that help signify my love for the early Sonic years. Kisses.

Me, October 31st, 1993

24 years later, the head survives

  

REVIEW - Injustice 2 - Injustice We Trust, In Superman We Stick the Boot

Title: Injustice 2
Developer: NetherRealm Studios
Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Platform: PlayStation 4 (Reviewed), Xbox One 

You've got your Superman and your Wonder Woman, your Flash and your Aquaman. You know these guys, they're pretty cool. Enhanced strength, super speed, talking to fish; these guys have it covered. Why would you bother picking any other combatants? Oh, wait, because the goddamn Batman is why!

Fair warning, I've sunk the majority of my time with this
game as Batman so I may show a slight bias

I have played a bit as each of the characters, some are for me, some just aren't. Black Canary and Bane are both fond of counters and parries. I'm sure people with the skill and concentration can be phenomenal with them but I have a short attention span and can't make effective use of them. Robin works pretty much like Batman with the gadgets and kung-fu. (It's the Damian Wayne Robin so added assassin training and a sword to boot) Making an appearance I didn't expect is Swamp Thing. Big and tough with an emphasis on special grab attacks that are both short and long range. Fighting him with the computer AI cranked up can have you bouncing around the screen without so much as a howdy-do. Finding a character you're comfortable with is a relatively fast process. (For instance, I found I especially like Batman because even when you button mash like an n00b you still pull off awesome combos) If it's one thing I play a fighting game for it's a good roster of characters. (I don't play them for my astounding lack of skill with them surprise surprise) You're presented with an array of DC heroes and villains to hit each other with and the selection is quite tasty.

Nine more players are planned to be added

Practice makes perfect, and the special moves are mostly a short directional input followed by an attack button so it makes the combat easy to learn even if fighting games aren't really your thing. As it's NetherRealm, the good people behind Mortal Kombat, some of you will be familiar with this style of combat. Even getting the timing down for combos can be a lot easier than other fighting series. (Yeah, I'm looking at you Street Fighter. You wanna go?!)

 

There are instances where attacks that connect don't actually hit and ones that don't magically do. This can happen to both you and the computer so it is a real blessing/curse scenario. Not a massive issue, and by no means common, but when you've been fighting a particularly hard fight and you get screwed at the last inch of health it can get a little frustrating.

As you fight you earn gear that you can equip to your fighters. These come in three flavours: common, rare and epic. Gear not only upgrades certain stats for the chosen character (increased health/defence/damage) but also act as the alternate costumes for everyone. Pieces are broken down into head, arms, torso, legs and then a fifth aspect specific to that character. (Superman and Supergirl have their chest emblem, Deadshot has his rifle etc.) I am such a huge fan of this aspect of the game. Saving your configurations and taking them online, you can see other people with the same character in gear you haven't seen before. Maybe I get fascinated too easily, and there is a fair amount of "meh" equipment to be had, but I think it's a really clever way of encouraging a player to play a fighting game even if it's just by themselves.

A great way to earn better gear is to level up your fighters. The Story Mode, which carries on from the previous game, is a great way to not only get some practice in with the majority of the roster also gain a few levels as them. This time round Superman is in jail for being a naughty boy. (Quite right, self-righteous prick) Bruce Wayne/Batman is trying to put the world back together and the Joker is still dead. Brainiac takes this time to show up and help himself to some cities for his collection. Usual comic book chaos ensues. It's a fun wee mode that takes about 3-6 hours to blow through. (I like the trend of fighting games giving us longer, more entertaining story modes than your average FPS nowadays)
"The Multiverse" is where the majority of your time will be spent if you want to unlock lots of gear and level up your fighters. (If you're like me and play mostly by yourself *starts playing tiny violin*) Here you're given various challenges at varying difficulties to test your skills and, most importantly, have fun. Like any game, fulfilling harder goals leads to more prizes. Each of the scenarios is timed in real-time so you can miss out if half way through the clock reaches zero meaning you miss out on epic gear for specific characters. The cycle is regular enough however that this isn't an issue. It can even encourage you to fight as characters you wouldn't normally go, even just to give them a cooler look.
Speaking of looks, the game is pretty polished. Environments are pretty varied and character models are much more detailed than the last game. Occasionally this can lead to ventures into uncanny valley territory. Smiling is not the easiest thing to make a digital face to do, let's just say. Arena transitions are back. (Where you hit a guy so hard he ends up in another place, via damage inducing hazards) There aren't any locations that have more than two of these yet, but hopefully, like the fighters, the selection of stages will expand over time.

Would I recommend Injustice 2 to you? Yeah, it's a solid fighting game. You get to beat various DC heroes and villains with Batman's righteous fists. Everyone should get to do that at the end of a hard day. Especially Batman.

BOSS RUSH - Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

Bosses are meant to be tough. They've fought their way through the ranks to be the meanest, hardest, occasionally-throw-the-controller-at-the-wall...est. You reach the final room of the dungeon and there they sit/float/skulk. It doesn't need to be all doom and gloom though. Fighting for your life can even be entertaining with the right adversary. Here are a few of the best fights I can remember. (I've been in a fair few now, the brain damage is setting in)

• Twinrova - Zelda: Ocarina of Time
  

A young hero can face many trials when trying to save the land. Dragons, volcanoes, goblins and ghosts. To think those would pale in comparison to being double-teamed by two flying grannies, Koume and Kotake, hurling ice and fire at your head. It's bad enough you had to traipse out to the Spirit Temple, in the middle of an endless desert, to save Spirit Sage Nabooru. (Like you don't have enough on your plate)
Meeting these sisters late on in the game, you are in for a tough fight. Firstly they fly around the room firing ice/fire lasers at you. Cool, you think, I have a sword... and they're flying way out of reach... great. Luckily for you (and more importantly Link), you received the Mirror Shield in this temple. Not only can you continuously check your own reflection like the vain elfboy you are, you can also redirect the lasers back at the witches. This creates a fun dynamic where anytime one fire at you, they hit the other one making them bicker like, well, old women. This plays out a few times before they deiced enough is enough. Combining before Link's very eyes (in what I can only imagine wakes him screaming even now) they form to become Twinrova.
Now the real fight begins. While still flying around the room, instead of lasers you have balls of ice/fire energy thrown at you. As good as your new shield is, it doesn't simply reflect the balls back. Instead, it absorbs the energy from the blast and stores it. All you have to do now is catch two more and a beam fires from your shield, knocking Twinrova from the air. There is a catch though. Absorb some ice energy after absorbing some fire means you not only lose the charge but get damaged in the process. Remember that sword I mentioned at the start, now is its time to shine. Wail on her until she gets back up, rinse, repeat, done.
This could easily have been "List of Zelda Bosses I Thought Were Great" because a fair amount of them are. The series does them fantastically. (Except you Dark Link, screw you and everything you stand for) For me, Twinrova stands out because I enjoyed the ability to essentially make her fight herself. All you have to do is defend yourself and she does most of the work for you. There are points you have to pay attention and do a bit of dodging but there had to be some player input I suppose.

• XIII (The Snake) - Shadow of the Colossus
  

The colossi in this game have no official names. Just general descriptions and nicknames the developers gave them during development. Most of the colossi are genius to fight. The mechanics of climbing, maintaining your stamina, knowing when you have a window to attack, all of it comes together to make one of the best PS2 games I've ever played. (I might go play it now...)
XIII the biggest colossus in the game. Flying above a massive desert, it minds its own business until some little twerp (you) comes riding in shooting arrows and swinging swords. To start, your first challenge is to get the great beast down to ground level. You have a horse that can just about keep up with the speed it's flying around at, unfortunately, you left your lasso in your other poncho. Looking directly under the colossus shows you some weird, glowing pouches. A few well placed (and I mean well placed) shots from your bow deflates these and down comes XIII. As you can see from the picture the big guy has fins all along his body. Now that he's close enough your next task is to get your horse, Agro, up alongside it so you can jump on and climb onto its back. So you're on the back of a massive creature. You're only a hundred feet off the grou... OH SHIT IT'S TAKING OFF AGAIN! Well, the stage is set so to speak. Either you fall (and die) or you bring this guy down... and survive? Working your way from his tail to his head (roughly 170 meters which I understand is longer than a football pitch) Pfft, you say, I can run the distance of a football pitch stabbing it occasionally on its weak points. Easy peasy. Sure, I retort, assuming the football pitches you normally run about on and stab (?) fly around the sky and will twist and soar in an effort to make you fall to your death. Then no problem, have at it.
For me, this was the best fight because it felt like there was so much at stake. It was kill or be killed. Some of the other colossi could seriously mess you up and outright kill you in one blow but the scale of this fight really puts you to the test and becomes the most memorable fight for all the right reasons.

• The End - Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
  

Like the previous two entries, The End has been selected from a long list of awesome boss fights from a series that boasts some of the best. Psycho Mantis and Sniper Wolf were considered but ultimately The End won me over the most. Not exactly a spring chicken, having been born in the 1860s. By the time it comes to your showdown it is 1964, placing him somewhere around the 100-year-old mark. (I now realise this list has consisted of the elderly and defenceless sky creatures so far, please don't judge)
The fight with The End is intense. This is a man who is meant to have created the "art" of sniping. He's able to camouflage on any terrain and reduce his breathing to a point where even the most advanced microphones can hardly pick him up. He also has a little parrot partner to help him spot you if you manage to get out of his sights. So yeah, fun times ahead. Not to worry though, he insists on using tranquillizer rounds on you. (Whew, for all the comfort that will give you) Using your camouflage and hoping you can spot the smallest of tell-tale signs of his whereabouts is key to winning this fight. (Don't shoot his bird, he doesn't like that) I remember hiding as best I could, frantically scanning vantage points for a glimmer from his scope. Every time I got hit the tranquillizer would make my vision distort and hands shake, making aim increasingly difficult. Beating him in a sniper vs. sniper fight is something though. Taking a shot reveals your position so if you miss you better run. Even if you hit it's best to find a new spot to fire from.
Unlike some other bosses from the series, this one can seem almost peaceful. (Except for knowing somewhere out there there's an old man aiming a gun at you) No one is on fire, no one is screaming, there are no giant mechs launching nukes at your face. It's one on one, skill vs. skill. Just like mama used to make.

• Wyzen - Asura's Wrath
  

This. Fight. Keeps. On. Going. Just when you think it's over, Wyzen here gets back up. Just when he appears to get the upper hand, you get more powerful. Back and forth it goes, where it stops... well, it stops when you beat him but that ruins my dramatic opening.
Wyzen is the first boss you fight in Asura's Wrath. He looks like a big guy, right? Could probably deal out a fair amount of damage without really trying. Sure. As Asura, you can dish out as much as you get though. Even during Wyzen's initial monologue, you can cut him short by punching him right in the face. (Completely optional but highly recommended) From that point, you have to leather him until he decides to go all "Power Rangers baddie" on you and grow in size. Cool, fine, I can still take him, I think to myself. Now he's shooting energy blasts and crushing me with his fat hands. It's a real shitshow from where I'm sitting. This being a game called Asura's Wrath though, it's time to unleash a bit of that right about now. Spawning four additional arms, you lay into Wyzen like the plump little bitch he is until you hit him with enough force to send him flying into space. Job done, tea and crumpets for everyo... Hey, the moon has a face... That's no moon. Ah. Wyzen is the size of a planet. Well, this was a short game. He proceeds to place the tip of his finger down upon me, crushing the land for miles around. Managing to hold his finger up somehow, I then pelt it with a barrage of punches, one by one losing my arms. With one final punch from my last arm, I hit Wyzen so hard his finger implodes, creating a chain reaction that travels all the way up his arm and kills him. (Accurately representing what it's like to get a splinter, am I right?)
This is an insane game with an insane plot but frankly, if you have a chance to play it you should do so. A friend and I played "pass the pad" with it and there is so much to enjoy. They have it on PlayStation Now, grab the free trial just for that. (Then don't forget to cancel it otherwise it's £12.99 a month, not terrible but only if you're getting your monies worth)

A shorter list this time and I know there are more bosses I've fought and can't remember. I'll return to this topic another time. Give me a few ideas why not.  Have any war stories you remember fondly?

REVIEW - Horizon Zero Dawn - Brave Meets Jurassic Park (Plus Robots)

Title: Horizon Zero Dawn
Developer: Guerrilla Games
Publisher: Sony Interactive Entertainment

Platform: PlayStation 4

Hoping the title of the review didn't give too much away, Horizon Zero Dawn sets you on Earth in the far distant future. Somewhere between now and then civilisation as we know it will crumble, machines will start roaming the land like feral packs of animals and humanity is reduced to small tribes of superstitious, proto-primitive nomads. (Yay)

You play as Aloy, a woman who has been brought up as an outsider to her people for reasons unknown. Your surrogate father, a fellow outcast called Rost, raises you from infancy and trains you to survive in the wilds. While out exploring one day you fall down into some ruins of "The Old World" where you find an earpiece called a Focus. With it, you can scan your surroundings and detect enemy weak points and patrol routes.

Once old enough you take part in a trial that will allow you to join your clan, the Nora. (The game splits most of its people into the traditionalist Nora, the sun-worshipping Carja or the tinkering Oseram) Having not been raised within a tribe, Aloy has a tendency to speak her mind when it comes to matters of tradition, faith and law which can lead to some of the best dialogue I've heard in a game for quite some time. The game adopts the use of a dialogue tree to carry conversations. There are points where your actions are determined by three choices; aggression, logic or compassion. From what I've seen these are just to create different outcomes to a conversation, not influence the game as a whole. (I could be wrong, I've only retried one example early on) That being said, the options are interesting and I'm considering a second play through to see some of the others.

As you may be able to tell already, this is an excellent looking game. Scanning from a high vantage point, you're gifted with some stunning views of the valleys, mountains and plains that you're fully able to explore. Previously I've talked about sci-fi doing Ice Planet, Desert Planet etc. HZD does these separate environments and connects them together brilliantly into a rich and vibrant world. Day/night cycle and weather changes add to each area, making the world seem that much more real. At times the light change can take the game by surprise and it looks like someone has been messing about with the Gamma level on your TV but it quickly sorts itself out. (I've only had a couple of instances of this in about 10 hours of gameplay)

As for the people in the game. Oh boy, these are some beautiful people. (I mean some of them have a face only a mother could love... but still beautiful) Every person you meet looks like someone you would bump into on the street. Hair, eyes, facial expressions, everything is done so damn well. Aloy is brilliant. Her design, the way she moves, pretty much everything she says. If I had played this sooner she would have been on my list of "Top Heroes" without question. [She was on a list of excellent female characters in games "The Girls Are Back In Town" by Billy] Aloy takes shit from no one but is always prepared to help anyone in need. She constantly questions authority where authority is being abused and when it comes to faith she always asks the question "why". (I can't remember the last time I was this taken by a fictional character)

The way the art design works in showing you people from not only different tribes but also different castes is fantastic. Take the first picture below.That's Nil, a former Carja soldier and now bandit slaying mercenary. You'll meet other Carja soldiers, you'll meet other mercenaries. You won't meet another one like Nil. (Possibly because he killed them, I'm unsure) Comparatively the lower picture is Aidaba, the Carjan Hunter's Lodge shopkeeper. You'll be tripping over merchants through out the game but you'll never see two of the same in the one place. (Or even two of the same at all, at least from what I saw) I love the makeup and tattoo designs, very simple but done in such a way that catches your attention.

Now on to the gameplay. Horizon Zero Dawn is a fantastic open world adventure. The tutorial is handled very well, placing you in control of Aloy at a younger age. (Perfectly demonstrating what I ranted makes a good opening level)

You're shown the basics of camera and character control, a brief but revealing view into the world you're being introduced to and even teased as to some of the hidden areas you'll be able to explore once the game opens up. Combat is pretty straight forward. You have a spear for hitting things and a bow for hitting things further away. Before you go off and start hacking and slashing God of War style, don't. The fights in HZD can be some of the most intense situations you'll be involved in. Taking a hit is something to be avoided, not quite to Dark Souls level, but enough to always gauge a situation before jumping straight into the fray. (The best comparison would be The Witcher 3) Making sure you have the right weapon to exploit the right weakness is key to winning some of the bigger fights later on. (Also as soon as you can, buy the Ropecaster. Then buy something that can shoot freeze ammunition, a great combo for taking down big enemies fast) A few of the fights had me so absorbed with all the shooting and dodging that I didn't notice until it was over that my whole body had been clenched like a fist.

A wrinkle I've found is on some of the bigger enemies their hit box can be a little inconsistent. During one attack I could dodge out of the way no problem while dodging the same attack a few minutes later I would take damage. Also when using the slow-motion while aiming the camera can get lost in the bushes/tall grass. On saying all that, I didn't really find any real difficulty with the fighting, I died only a handful of times during combat. You get the ability to control the machines you're fighting shortly into the game, this is a fun addition that can lead to some spectacular bot-on-bot clashes. The bots you control become a bit tougher than regular bots so it's fun seeing a horsebot (strider) trample a group of wolfbots (scrapper) without breaking a sweat.

With the last few "open world" games I've reviewed, there was a certain amount of difficulty filling it with enough stuff to keep you interested in exploring. There is no issue at all here. The map, which is spectacularly detailed when you reveal it, is full of little corners that seemingly have nothing in them but turn out to have a wee out-of-the-way ruin or village. I had a friend round, gave him the controller and told him to take a walk. He proceeded to head in a northerly direction from the starting location and inadvertently found a village filled with people and tame machines. This place had no sign posts pointing us here. There was no bigger reason to be at this location other than our own curiosity. There was a wee mission that involved the tamed machines and when that was done, that was it. A nice wee day out exploring a games wilderness and being rewarded with actual content. Bugger me, how novel. There are collectables in the game. Blessed be they are not worthless pieces of tat. Most of them come in sets that can be traded for goods at certain merchants. They even come with lore. Guerrilla Games gets it. I don't want to pick up flags or marbles or whatever to sate the kleptomaniac in me, I want to find interesting baubles that expand the universe they've created. (Pro Tip: Upgrade your Resources pouch to max as early as you can, just saying)

The platforming is pretty standard for your action/adventure game. Grabbing ledges and shimmying along cliff edges is pretty much your bread and butter here. There are times where you're expected to climb something and the correct ledge (the ones highlighted in yellow) isn't particularly well highlighted. This is an issue that links back to the lighting problem I mentioned before, it solves itself after a bit but still, a bit of a nuisance as not every ledge is climbable. Nothing game breaking and overall the climbing and running about is really nice. (And relaxing between assaults from roaming mech-pets)

Would I recommend Horizon Zero Dawn to you? I can't recommend it enough. (In case you hadn't guessed from all the writing above) The visuals, the writing, the gameplay. It all comes together to make what I'm considering my Game of the Year (so far). There are a few flaws here and there but overall this is a finely polished gem you should add to your collection. (Here's a picture of a giant, lightning firing bird as reward for scrolling to the bottom of the review)

Horizon Zero Dawn is exclusive to PS4 for various prices. (So as ever, shop around. Also, buy a PS4 if you don't own one to play this awesome game)

LIST - Who Needs Hearts When You've Got Smarts

A few of these entries were originally on my "Top Villains" list. Then I realised they needed a special list all to themselves so I could include the, eh, less evil machines in games. (Maybe not "evil", more "socially ambiguous")

• Dr Nefarious - Ratchet & Clank

  

  I always hated biology!

Maybe the obvious choice would have been Clank. He is one of the titular heroes of the franchise. Dr Nefarious has many superior qualities over Clack lacks, however.

1. He steals every scene he's in. 
2. He has a flair for the dramatic verging on insane. 
3. He has a long-suffering butler called Lawrence. 
4. When he becomes too stressed he short circuits and starts broadcasting a romantic radio drama. 
5. Possibly best of all, he's voiced by Armin Shimerman. (Principle Snyder from Buffy and Quark from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Nefarious hates organic life or "squishies" as he calls them. (A theme for a lot of these characters on the list will be the derogatory terms they have for people) Generally, his plans revolve around destroying solar systems or converting living creatures into robots. (He and Robotnik should get together sometime) His recent reboot in the new Ratchet & Clank game/movie shows you his origins from before he becomes a robot. (Look up the post credit scene for the movie, probably the best 3 mins of the whole thing) There his motivation for planetary destruction comes from being bullied by the would-be hero, Captain Quark.

I always enjoy the Ratchet & Clank series for its imaginative weaponry and "Saturday morning cartoon" style of humour. Dr Nefarious entered as the perfect recurring villain with his over-the-top plans for planetary destruction. While, given his back story, it would be easy to sympathise with him, Nefarious goes out of his way to be the least likeable person in any given room. Probably why I like him so much.

• HK-47 - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

  

  I am like a veritable fable, warning
  against the karma caused by
  murdering others. What utter irony.

Statement: HK-47 is the deadliest robot on this list. The Star Wars universe has a fair few droids at its disposal. C-3PO, R2-D2, BB-8 and IG-88 to name the bare minimum. None of them compares to HK-47 though. Built from scratch by a Sith Lord with the sole purpose of killing Jedi elevates you somewhat from the crowd. While being an artificial intelligence, it's clear HK has no qualms about his base programming. Even going as far as reprimanding you, as the player, for sparing a life or doing a good deed.

Explanation: One of HK-47s various quirks lies in the way he speaks. Before every sentence, he states the nature of the statement whether it be a question, explanation or opinion.(Usually with a mocking tone depending on your actions) While you would think having a sarcastic robot with a thirst for blood by your side would possibly lead to some awkward situations (and it does), HK is one of the most honest, loyal companions you have when navigating the dangers of space. Depending on how you play KOTOR (Light side or Dark side) doesn't really do much to change his attitude towards you or other "meatbags" however his loyalty to you is seemingly unbreakable, even being forced to call you "Master". (Though it does turn out he has relieved himself of previous "masters")

Opinion: KOTOR is two of the best (possibly nostalgia talking) RPGs I've played. Starting off you are lumped in with some pretty generic characters, some of whom open up and become much more interesting as the story goes on. (Depending on Light or Dark) HK-47  instantly shines, however. He speaks his mind, has little regard for others and sees the universe in a simple "target/non-target" way. He's not bad, he's just built that way.

• GLaDOS - Portal

  

  We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested
  me, I tested you. You killed me, I...oh,
  no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you
  yet. Well. Food for thought.

GLaDOS or Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System has possibly the clearest of visions on this list. She's only motivated by one thing: Science! Is there anything purer? No. Built by Aperture Science as an artificial housing for the mind of Aperture's CEO, Cave Johnson, beyond his death. He died shortly before the completion of the project and the mind of his assistant, Caroline, was used instead. (Not sure it was willing given most of Aperture Sciences working practises)

Your first encounter with GLaDOS is over the speaker systems of the Enrichment Centre. At first, everything is normal. Place box on switch, open door, redirect laser, open door, use complex series of portals to place box on switch and redirect lasers, open door. Just your usual standardised testing. She's even pretty supportive, a little critical but supportive. As you progress through the tests you are reassured that at the end you will be rewarded with some delicious cake. (That's the only time I'll mention it, honest) Unfortunately, this turns out to be untrue. Once you reach the conclusion of the final test you board the Unstationary Scaffold and watch in increasing horror as you are descended into an Incinerator Room. GLaDOS does assure you that none of the scientific equipment you're carrying will be harmed by the high temperatures. (Whew)

Portal could have just been an interesting tech demo showcasing Valves mastery of physics and level design. The robotic voice you have guiding you throughout the game could have been just that and while we would have wowed at the intricacies of some of the puzzle ideas there would have been very little reason to go back to it. GLaDOS makes Portal. Thinking with portals is cool but unless you have the cold, analytical (and hilarious) criticism she is so very good at urging you on there would be no incentive to even finish the game, let alone play a sequel. So play them if you haven't already. For Science. (And Cake) (I lied)

• CL4P-TP - Borderlands

  

  Aaaaaaaand opeeeen!

This guy. This complete asshat. He is the most annoying, useless, idiotic, sad piece of scrap robotics you'll ever meet. Too harsh? Not if you've talked to him for more than a sentence. Created by Hyperion (a whole company of asshats) as a steward of sorts, his main function is to help Vault Hunters navigate Pandora in search of Vaults and the treasure said to lie within. Claptrap is (supposedly) the last of his series. The rest of his brethren having been systematically destroyed for being one of the words used at the start of the paragraph. You would think that would upset him, and it does greatly. Unfortunately, he's programmed to speak in nothing but an upbeat, optimistic tone so you'd never know his great sorrow unless he told you. (Which he does. A lot.)

Getting off the bus at the start of Borderlands you are greeted by this cheery little guy. Little do you know the kind of cowardice, stupidity and betrayal he will demonstrate in your time with him. Beset by bandits, he asks you to protect him as he runs for cover. At various points in the game Claptrap will sell you out to save his own skin (eh, metal) only to come scurrying back when all his backup is dead. His programming gets overwritten at the very end by Hyperion and becomes I.N.A.C. (Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap) for a short period of time. Technically this makes him a bit of a badass, restarting production on CL4P-TP units and raising a glorious "robolution". His base programming eventually wins out, however, reverting him back to the snivelling little rust bucket you know and hate. (It's literally the only fight he wins and it's against himself)

I have been pretty harsh. CL4P-TP does open doors that are otherwise game-haltingly locked. He does this a fair few times. He is the equivalent to a door knob. Claptrap is a door knob. Claptrap is a knob. Yup.

• Legion - Mass Effect

  

  Organics fear us. We wish to understand,
  not incite.

A bit of flavour text: The Geth are a race of A.I. constructs, created as menial labour by another race called quarians. Having turned on their creators after realising their existence was tantamount to slavery, the Geth became enslaved by Reapers. They don't really catch a break. (Technical talk over, sorry) Legion is met with hostility by most of the other characters in Mass Effect. At an initial glance, he's just another Geth unit, making people understandably intimidated. (Plus being 6'6")   Initially thought to be another hostile unit you open fire at Legion until you realise the shots he's firing at you are taking out the enemy sneaking up behind you. (lol tropes)

Officially the only "good" robot on the list. Ironic considering you spend most of Mass Effect blasting his kind back to the digital stone-age. Legion is a collective of A.I. constructs in one body. (1,183 Geth programs to be exact) Considering the average Geth unit has only 100 this is considered a bit of an anomaly by everyone who meets him, her... it? His mission has been to follow in your footsteps and try to break the hold the Reapers (giant evil robot space lice) has on the Geth. Depending on how you play this can go a variety of ways. (Some of these ways may even bring a tear to a synthetic eye) He isn't your regular unfeeling robot. Legion asks questions most people would rather not answer. He raises the issue of having a soul despite knowing he was created by another race. What is a soul? (Eh, too deep, pull back)

Once I got Legion I basically kept him at my side for the rest of the games. While having the intelligence of the entire Geth collective he constantly asks questions to do with morality and existence that results in some interesting dialogue depending on who else you travel with. It's fun, honest. Who wouldn't want a tall, would-be murder-bot quizzing you on every choice you make and why? YAY SPACE!

• Clockwerk - Sly Raccoon

  

  Revenge is the prime ingredient in the fountain of
    youth. I've kept myself alive for thousands of years
   with a steady diet of jealousy and hate, awaiting the
   day when I would finally eclipse your family's thieving
   reputation.

Murderer! Thief! Madma... bird! These are things that Clockwerk is but you would be incredibly stupid to say these things to his beak. He has earned those titles through a history of jealousy and hate for the Cooper Clan that has spanned thousands of years. Slowly but surely replacing each part of himself with a robotic substitute in order to pursue his goal of surpassing the Coopers and becoming the world's greatest thief.

Originally from what would eventually be known as Russia (considering he's around 10,000 years old it's a little unclear), Clockwerk brings together various other nasty folks to form the Fiendish Five. Together they take down Conner Cooper and steal the Thievius Raccoonus. (A book of tips and tricks to becoming a master thief) With this, he and his gang hold the world to ransom. While never directly interacting with his cohorts he supplied them with advanced technology and makes sure that the pieces of the book stay in their sticky fingers. It's clear from the moment you meet him face to face he sees emotions as a weakness which he has stripped from himself. He's so super-villainy he even has his lair in an active volcano and has a penchant for the dramatic by kidnapping Sly Cooper's love interest, Carmelita Fox, to lure Sly to his doom.

The best kind of Big Bad is the behind-the-scenes, mysterious mastermind kind. (In my opinion, and you're reading this so you must be kinda interested in that) Clockwerk has all the characteristics of the owl he used to be; he waits for his prey to let his guard down then strikes fast. When he hunts, he does so solo. He has 360 vision and laser eyes. (Like all owls, why are you looking at me weird?) While in the end, it was his hubris that was his downfall, it's pretty impressive that over thousands of years Clockwerk managed to replace every living part of himself and gain immortality without opposable thumbs.

Well, assuming Skynet isn't about to activate let's hope we're still a few years away from actually encountering some of these guys. ALL HAIL OUR ROBOTIC OVERLORDS! Eh, I mean, have a great day guys!