REVIEW - Watch_Dogs 2 - Flu Shots For Everyone!

Forgive me the "Hackers" reference. If you don't get it consider yourself lucky having missed that particular 1995 film. Ever wondered how much trouble you can get into with just a smartphone and an internet connection? Watch_Dogs 2 has. See a thing, hack a thing, that's Watch_Dogs 2. Traffic lights, phones, helicopters, cars. There is very little you can't gain control of. You play as Marcus Holloway, a hacker in the group known as DedSec. While a lot of what you're told to do could be considered petty vandalism and digital shenanigans, the game can go into some scary concepts that aren't totally science fiction. What ultimately boils down to You vs. Big Brother is presented in a vibrant and light-hearted manner.

Let's focus on the characters. I like these kids in DedSec. I have little to no clue what they're talking about half the time but I think they're alright. Before starting the game I had a preconceived notion of being presented with a group of people who, for a lack of a better term, sucked. I played Watch_Dogs and the protagonist, Aiden, was one of the major detractors of the game. Marcus "Retr0" Holloway is the "hero" of the story and boy is he an upgrade. He cracks jokes, he's a smart ass without sounding too much like a dick and he's not on an "all or nothing" revenge rampage. I have a small gripe, he is a fantastic hypocrite. One side mission sees you condemning and punishing the actions of an online player who has been "SWATing" other players. (If you haven't heard the term, give it a Google, it's such a stupid thing to do) You complete the mission, said player suitably punished. Well done you, Mr Moral. Then you play any mission where you have to get past some guys. What's this upgrade you can get? Report a false crime against someone, have police take them away at gunpoint? How useful. Oh, I see what the issue is here, but Marcus doesn't seem to. Admittedly this is a mechanic you don't need to use. So like I said, "a small gripe".

The rest of the DedSec gang all have their little quirks and personalities that make them that much better to engage with. Josh is quiet and reserved when you first meet him but later he opens up and shows he is fiercely passionate about his work and loyal to his friends. Sitara is the PR expert for their DedSec group. She sees the operation as her own and her reactions to both its failures and successes are genuine and heartfelt. Horatio is the calm, level-headed one who manages to keep everyone together and focused when the shit hits the fan. Until Marcus shows up it seems pretty clear Horatio was the team leader. Now finally, and the best is indeed saved for last, we have Wrench. Loud, rude, sarcastic. I love him. He always has a comeback and will have your back in any fight that comes your way. One of his best features is the mask he always wears that he has programmed to emote how he's feeling.

This isn't an epic revenge story this time around. The plot touches on subjects like our reliance on modern technology and how information we give to the Internet can be there for anyone with the skills (or skillz) to take it and abuse it. As you progress through the game you are seen to both fight against and exploit these themes depending on the narrative. Each mission can feel like it's own self-contained story. This can make Watch_Dogs 2 feel a little schizophrenic at times, not really sure what message it's trying to convey. At a certain point late in the game, you are presented with a situation (without spoilers) that seems to just happen. You're left to deal with the aftermath of a mission then the game carries on as normal. Given the events that happen, it kind of felt like the developers realised they needed to raise the stakes emotionally but didn't quite know how to seal the deal. I enjoyed the ride I was taken on however and if a Watch_Dogs 3 were to happen I would be more than happy to see where they take it.

Can you imagine walking into an area you didn't belong, an office building for instance, and without so much as a count to three you're being shot at? In broad daylight. I'm not sure if this was Ubisoft's statement on gun control in America as it is but the A.I. needs to take a chill pill. I understand if you wander into gang turf thinking you'll have a wee rummage and getting blown away. But both police and security firms do the same thing! They have paperwork and a whole assortment of laws they've generally agreed to follow. It is easy in this game to sneak and get a lay of the land though, just deploy your drone or RC car and remotely hack from the comfort of your laptop half a block away. Or phone in a gang hit squad and create a little chaos. (I generally went for the latter) The heat of battle can get a little tense and on more of than one occasion I would send out my drone or RC car instead of opening the weapon wheel. Aside from that though, it all handles pretty well for all the mechanics that get thrown at you.

Would I recommend this game to a friend? (And if you've read this far, consider yourself a friend) Yes. Yes, I would. I enjoyed the story, the characters were both relatable and likeable. Some of the technical jargon went over my head but at the end of the day, I had fun hacking my way through a semi-fictional San Fransico. I even had fun with the multiplayer. It's not too intrusive and only pops up occasionally purely as a fun distraction from the usual mayhem. This has been my review, do with it what you will.

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LIST - The Bad, The Worse and The Ugly

Imagine the world with no villains. No threats to civilisation or evil schemes. What a peaceful, BORING world that would be. We wouldn't even have heroes, they would have no one to thwart. So here I praise the villains who keep the world interesting. Some of them even succeed in their plans... only to lose eventually because otherwise you don't finish the game. (Minor spoilers for a few of the games regarding the characters discussed)

• Kefka Palazzo - Final Fantasy 6

Trust me, he ain't clowning around.

"Why do people insist on creating things that will inevitably be destroyed? Why do people cling to life knowing that they must someday die? Knowing that none of it will have meant anything once they do." - Kefka, on life and death.

The Final Fantasy series has had some pretty iconic villains. Kefka Palazzo is probably the evilest, hateful, scheming and insane of them all though. Yeah, you could argue that some of the others are beings comprised of pure hate and evil but Kefka is just a regular human. At first glance, he can look foppish, maybe even just silly. His idea of comedy is darker than most, however. Did you hear the one about a guy who poisons a town's water supply, killing everyone? No. But Kefka likes to tell it anyway.

Kefka's disregard for life doesn't just stop at his enemies. Troops under his command (because of course, he's a general in the army) suffer from his cruelty. It doesn't matter if it's insubordination in the ranks or if Kefka is just bored, he is known and feared on his own side for killing his own soldiers on a whim. As the game progresses his disdain for others becomes pure nihilism. His goal ultimately to harness enough magical power to destroy all life and become the God of Magic. He succeeds insofar as destroying most of the world and becoming a god. The survivors live in fear around a massive tower he constructs for himself and with an attack, he calls "Light of Judgement", he smites anyone who doesn't acknowledge his rule. (Or just for fun)

Not only does Kefka go from weak, cruel human mage to nihilistic God of Magic, he also destroys the world. Most villains don't get past the planning and initial stages of their diabolical plan before the heroes defeat them. For me, I can easily see aspects of Kefka in later Final Fantasy antagonists. Obviously, comparisons can also be made between him and Batman's Joker as well. There is no doubt from the very first point you see him that he's the big bad. He doesn't try to sugarcoat it, he just wants you and everyone else to die. Is that too much to ask?

And you thought YOUR
dentist was scary.

• Dr Loboto - Psychonauts

"Well I've reviewed your chart, little girl. The bad news is we're going to have to remove your brain, strap it into an armoured battle tank and have it shoot down innocent civilians with its concentrated psychic death beams... The good news is this is all covered by your insurance."

Kidnapping children is a pretty heinous thing to do. Especially if you're kidnapping them to steal their brains to turn into super weapons. The children in question have psychic powers and are all attending the Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp to hone their fledgeling powers. So just another Tuesday afternoon in other words.

Enter Dr Loboto. An ex-dentist sent to the nearby asylum for reasons unknown. (Presumably for removing lobes instead of molars.) After the asylum gets abandoned (Because when was the last time you had a proper, functioning insane asylum?!) Loboto takes control and sets it up as his base of operations for removing the psychic brains of the nearby camp goers. While this all sounds pretty gruesome there is one "brighter" note, he doesn't perform any actual surgery. Within his prosthetic right arm is an inbuilt pepper mill with which he sprinkles on his victim to force them to sneeze out their brain. No muss, no fuss.

Dr Loboto is something directly out of a Loony Toons episode. His wacky shower cap and Christmas light eyes, combined with his interesting use of a pepper grinder make him an excellent throwback to cartoons from the 90s. There's no malice in what he's doing. He just thinks your psychic powers could be put to better use. He's not concerned that you may already be in the process of using it. It's nothing personal.

Triforce of Power. Pfft, more like
Triforce of Being an Asshole

• Ganondorf - Zelda series

"Do you think this ends here? The history of light and shadow will be written in blood."

Ganondorf is the Devil. Or at least the reincarnation of him. In the Zelda series, he is the embodiment of everything evil in the land of Hyrule. When Ganon kidnaps Princess Zelda it isn't because he wants the girl for himself. She's a means to and end. Kidnapping her is the call to adventure the hero of the quest, Link, needs to confront Ganon. They are the three people who each possess a piece of the Triforce, an ancient power that if united will grant any wish of its bearer.

I'd like to give some sympathetic spin on this somehow. That Ganon saw his family killed as a young boy and wants to get revenge/bring them back with the formidable power of the Triforce. Unfortunately, this isn't the case. Ganon's only motivation is to unite the Triforce to bring the whole world to heel. He is in possession of the Triforce of Power, a piece that adds to his already superhuman strength. The other two pieces are held by the Hero of Time, Link, and Princess Zelda (Triforce of Courage and Wisdom respectively) Because of this the three of them are in eons long battle through death and rebirth, more often resulting in Ganondorf being sealed away until he rebuilds his power once more.

Like a few of the others on this list, Ganon has no humanity to speak of. His goals to rule the world are absolute and opposition, while prophesied, is of no real concern to him. Even in defeat, he swears he will return and every time he does. His fight has gone on so long that even the series history has split. One side chronicling from a point where he actually succeeds in completing the Triforce and gaining the power to dominate the world. At what point to we chalk it all up to daddy issues and plan an intervention?

How much wax do you think
he uses on that thing?

• Dr Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik - Sonic the Hedgehog

"Muhahaha! You fools must all have a deathwish! Witness this invincible battleship built by the hands of a genius! Its power UNMATCHED throughout the universe!"

Bold statements like that and the fact he resembles President Theodore Roosevelt aside, Dr Robotnik is a genius. Looking past the small detail that his arch nemesis is a super-fast, blue hedgehog of his own creation, sure, he's a genius. It's not like they hand PhDs to just anyone. (*Glances at the other "doctor" on the list*) I mean it's not like he constructs massive robots and other machines with the sole purpose of conquering the planet just to then give them stupid names like "Egg Dragoon" and "Death Egg"... Oh, Robotnik...

Robotnik's M.O. has remained pretty much the same over the past 30-odd years: kidnap a bunch of woodland critters, mechanise them, ????, conquer the world. (And collect all the Chaos Emeralds, because bling is important when you rule the world)  Flawless as that plan seems, it never takes into account the interference of Sonic (the aforementioned blue hedgehog). Sometimes Dr Robotnik gets the upper hand but those occasions are few and far between. And let's not talk about the "gas leak year" that was 2006...

Dr Robotnik was the first villain I ever had to face. In a game where the was no text or dialogue, you race through the initial stages until the screen stops moving and the music changes. Slowly Dr Robotnik floats in on his wee, one-man pod and tries to ram into you. No introduction, no monologue. Just straight into the action. He's become somewhat chattier in recent years but when you have a mouthy rodent mocking you for three decades you would have something to say about it as well.

Yeah, that's a mask of his own face on his own
face. It's kind of a long story.

• Handsome Jack - Borderlands 2

"Man, this one guy in New Haven, right? City's burning, people dying, blah blah blah. This guy rushes me with a spoon. A fricking spoon! And I'm just laughing. So I scoop out his eyeballs and his kids are like, "Aghhhh!", and, ah... you had to be there. Anyway, the moral is: you're a bitch."

You've got to respect Handsome Jack. Seriously, if you don't he'll probably blast you from orbit with his massive space station. Just saying. Jack is the worst kind of villain. He doesn't just want you dead,  he also goes out of his way to hurt your feelings as well. He's egomaniacal, self-centered, cruel and worst of all, he thinks he's the hero of the story.

From his lofty position in the Hyperion moon base, Jack floats above the planet of Pandora like a vengeful, petty god. He isn't really one for getting his own hands dirty unless really pushed to do so. He does have a softer side. As a father, he cares for his daughter. He cares for her by locking her in a sealed chamber, forcing her to trick Vault Hunters (think treasure hunters) into unwittingly doing his bidding. So he's not getting any "Worlds Best Dad" mugs anytime soon. Jack very much believes in the end justifying the means. Your end means he wins.

Handsome Jack has a rare quality in an antagonist. When he starts to monologue you actually want to listen to what he says. About 90% of the things he says will be insulting you or a threat but he has a way of being so damn charming it's hard not to love him. There is a part of you that wants to believe that Jack IS the good guy, but against the evidence and the fact that that would make you the bad guy this feeling diminishes quickly. When you kill him you get to keep his mask so in a way "Handsome Jack" does win. As long as you don't mind changing your name...

Jack be cruel, Jack be sick, you look
at him wrong, he'll kill you
quick!  

• Jack of Blades - Fable

"The Gods and Demons you fear and worship are as nothing to me!"

Jack of Blades is possibly my favourite villain from a game. The voice, the look, the backstory (that frustratingly doesn't really feature in the actual game). He is the complete package. When you first meet him he seems like a well-respected Hero of Albion. Of course, in Albion, they have a very loose interpretation as to what a "Hero" is. You are still called a hero when your eyes glow red and you can hang washing to dry on your horns.

Jack of Blades is aeons old. He was one of three beings that came from a place called The Void. (I hear it's very nice this time of year.) Together with the Queen and Knight of Blades, they formed the Court. Their goal was to rule Albion and after much resistance, they succeeded. A Hero known as William Black rose up and managed to defeat the Court. However, Jack was able to seal his soul into his mask. Throughout the years many have worn the mask and become "Jack of Blades". His latest, and final, appearance saw him try and take control of Albion once more. He tries to manipulate the Hero of Oakvale (you) and failing that has him locked in prison. Once defeated he reveals a much deadlier form, a motherfluffing DRAGON! So yeah that happens, in a volcano no less, just to ramp up the awesomeness. Once finally slain the Hero has the option of throwing the mask into the lava, destroying it, or donning it, becoming the new vessel for Jack of Blades.

Jack is such a fantastic baddie. He has no issue killing anyone that gets in his way, woman, children, entire towns. Ultimately his true enemy is destiny. The in-game canon has him die at the hands of the Hero of Oakvale. He is fully aware of this and in a way that makes me feel for him. Imagine knowing how you would die, you would do everything in your power to stop it right? However, destiny being the tricky beast that it is, it's Jacks attempt to kill you as a child that sends you on a direct course towards him in the first place. Sometimes the best thing to do is just leave it well enough alone.

I know what you're thinking, where's GLaDOS? She's awesome. You're right, she is. But I don't consider her an antagonist. She's just doing science. The purest of all motivations. If anything Chell is the villain, lab rats should be happy with the promise of cheese, not get stroppy when it turns out the cheese is a lie. (Whew, avoided that tired meme) Anyway, a few shiny examples of what I think makes a good baddie. I'm sure I've got a few more but frankly, if I gather anymore in the one place they'll form some sort of evil cabal. Got anyone you hate to love? Let us know, smell ya later!

REVIEW - Far Cry Primal - Dude, Where's My Mammoth?

Far Cry Primal piqued my interest when it was announced because it is set in 10,000B.C. (roughly 3 years after I was born) It is a departure from the series which has been your typical gun fest set in an exotic environment so far. All you have to defend yourself with here are bows, clubs and spears. Oh, also bee grenades. (Apparently prehistoric man invented crowd control, who knew?) Primal takes a lot of the same beats from the previous games: viewpoints (in the form of lighting bonfires),  enemy bases and forts (enemy settlements), animal hunts, shit tonnes of side missions and collectables. The skill tree is a little different in that it unlocks steadily as you receive key characters to your settlement. There is a bigger emphasis on hunts in this game as you are now able to tame a variety of predators to fight by your side. These range from badgers (of the honeyus dontgiveafuckus genus) to sabertooth tigers. Instead of vehicles, you can gain the ability to ride some of the animals to get around faster. (You know, aside from fast travel)

I will call him Squishy and he will be mine!

Let's start with what I enjoyed with Primal. Imagine you are tasked with infiltrating an enemy settlement. Now you could hope there is a convenient ledge nearby to scope out the situation and get a bead on the enemy locations. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. Enter your trusty owl, able to fly overhead undetected tagging all the hostiles and friendlies it can see. Now you have a better chance of moving around undetected. Maybe you want to even the odds. You can have your owl buddy take out one of the enemies (provided you've unlocked the skill) or drop a bee bomb or two to get things started. Now you get to work taking out villains with your bow. I love the bow. I've loved it since Far Cry 3. Deadly and stealthy, exactly what I look for in a woman weapon. Being the games only good ranged weapon (the spear doesn't quite cut it in my opinion) you will spend a lot of time using it. Possibly the most satisfying sight is seeing an arrow leave your bow and seconds later watching an enemy go down with a headshot. Splendid. Finally, but by no means least, we have the bee and berserk bombs. (I'm not including fire bombs, they didn't interest me as much) As I said, crowd control was invented by primitive man. With your bee bombs, you can immobilise a group so you can either get the drop on them or move unnoticed to a new hiding spot. Berserk bombs add a little chaos to an infiltration. If you're running a little low on ammunition and don't have the resources for more, just have the enemy turn on themselves and save you the hassle. For me these are the high points of the game, they even almost make forget what I don't like. Almost.

Here is where the game lets me down. Bosses are just regular enemies with health bars you have to deplete. Just making them hit harder and tougher to kill isn't enough. As I have recently ranted about, there are so many damn collectables it's just crazy. Rocks with hands painted on them, mounted masks to smash, totems to place. At the end of the day you receive some bonus experience for doing these things, maybe even a sweet, sweet trophy and the knowledge that you'll never get that time back. Now let's focus on the activities the game throws at you to keep you occupied. Escort: get a fellow tribesman from A to B without dying. NO! No escort missions ever, sincerely Literally everyone ever. Defend the tribesmen: Seriously, can I not take a stroll through the wilderness for longer than 5 minutes without some chumps needing my personal assistance. Kill the target: Do I not kill enough faceless cavemen making this side quest redundant? Right, maybe the story will be engaging enough I can ignore all the detritus that passes for game content. I wish I could say it was. You are in the role of Takkah, seemingly the only person that can sneak, shoot straight, heal and talk to animals. Yes, talk to animals. It is your job to rebuild your tribe and fight back against two other tribes: the cannibalistic Udam and the arsonist Izila. The way I see it you are just one of three tribes and the only reason you can be considered the good guys is you don't eat people or set them on fire. You do set your pet [insert tamed predator here] on them and actually do set people on fire if you so wish but thankfully this game is set before morality was invented. Even your supporting cast can only really be differentiated by their physical attributes. You have One-Eye guy, One-Arm guy, Shaman guy, Ear-necklace lady and Hunter lady. There's a few more but frankly, they are so bland you could sit any one of them next to a glass of milk and forget which of the two was full of bone-enriching calcium.

Graphically Primal is spotless. The environments cycling from day to night to day are amazing. The environments are lush and full of life. Even heading north to the colder snowy region of the map the scenery becomes bleak but it still looks beautiful. The detail of the character models (if not their personalities) are near lifelike without venturing into the uncanny valley. Cinematics within the game uses the in-game engine which means there is a fluidity between gameplay and cutscenes. Immersion is further sweetened with the music. It's not overstated and only really kicks in during missions and combat. It works thematically however with its drums and tribal chanting so much, in fact, I even find myself singing along sometimes. The controls for Primal are kept pretty simple. You have your shooting, aiming, crouching and jumping where you would expect them. The d-pad is used to summon your owl buddy, left brings up your tamed predator list, right for herb mixing and down to throw a rock. All pretty easy to navigate with two thumbs and a pair of eyes. Story wise, like I said, you don't have a great motivation to see it through to the end. I found this with previous instalments as well. Characterisation is a little thin on the ground and main bosses are pretty generic bad attitudes with a following. Content and gameplay, on the other hand, could have done with a little fine tuning. A few examples of what I consider good game content can be found in previous posts. Here you are left with samey side missions and a few fucktons worth of items to stuff your pockets with.

Would I recommend Far Cry Primal? No. A chance to play a shooter without guns can be a novelty but it isn't a selling point. Before I played it I thought this would be the Far Cry for me. I wanted to run around a massive open environment hunting animals and exploring caves with nothing but my bows and arrows. I now see the meaning behind "Be careful what you wish for". There is so much to see with nothing to really do. Play Far Cry Blood Dragon instead. It's shorter but the 80s sci-fi action nods just make me smile from start to finish. Plus, you know, dragons.

Imagine your favourite crappy 80s movie.
Now imagine that was a game.

The Girls are Back in Town

If you search for the greatest video game characters of all time, generally the majority of them will be male. With characters like Mario, Sonic and Gordon Freeman, it can be difficult to argue with that. Of course there are female characters that will be included in that list; Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), GLaDOS (Portal), Samus (The Metroid series), and I feel that strong female characters are more and more common in video games, where there were not as many before. I'm going to suggest a few badass women to add to the list of great female characters we already have.

 Aloy (Horizon: Zero Dawn)

A character that has only been released recently but is already having an impact on the gaming community is Aloy, from Horizon: Zero Dawn. She hasn't got the history that Mario or Sonic has in our hearts, but who doesn't want a character that kills robotic creatures almost exclusively with just her bow and arrows? I know I do. Aloy is a girl that wants to unveil the mysteries of her world, wanting to protect it from anything that tries to harm it. In a Witcher-esque game, there's nothing more satisfying than taking down a robot three times your size and just walking away with its useful parts as if nothing happened. If you compare Aloy to an archer in Skyrim, which would you feel more satisfaction in taking out enemies in? In Skyrim you might take out the odd frost troll or giant, but these are all just flesh and bones. Even the Dwarven constructs do not really amount to the robotics you have to fight in Horizon The appeal of Horizon to me is that robots are made to not be able to be destroyed, and you can do just that through a few arrows. Aloy is definitely a badass female character.

Faith Connors (Mirror's Edge)

Faith Connors is a runner in her world. Runners are illegal underground couriers, which makes them popular for carrying sensitive information as they are taught the art of parkour and are able to travel across rooftops without being seen. I'm sure you can imagine, they are pretty difficult to catch. Faith decided to leave her father and sister by the age of 16 as her mother was crushed to death in a riot while trying to flee, sending her father in to depression and alcoholism. She resorted to thievery and got caught in Mercury's hideout, where he decided to train her to be a runner. Faith is badass because she can pretty much fly across rooftops and if you choose to, she can quite easily take out anyone she comes into contact with.

Every Female Character (Overwatch)
(Unfortunately I couldn't find a picture with Ana, Sombra or Orisa in)

If I wrote separately about each Overwatch character, this article would be pretty long. Every female character is badass in their own way.

Tracer (Or Lena Oxton) was the youngest to be inducted into Overwatch due to her fearless piloting skills. She was then the first to try the prototype teleporting fighter. During the flight, the teleportation matrix malfunctioned and as she disappeared, she was believed to be dead. When she reappeared months later, her molecules were desynchronized from time. She would disappear for months on end until Winston, a scientist, created the chronal accelerator, giving tracer the ability to control her own time.
Tracer can pretty much play with the enemy team, dashing around them and recalling can sometimes be the worst thing to have to deal with. She can hold a payload for a good amount of time with that tactic, and get behind a whole team before they even notice.

Mercy (Or Angela Ziegler) is a healer, scientist and someone that wants peace. She was noticed by Overwatch due to her breakthrough in nanobiology meaning an easier time dealing with life-threatening illnesses. She realised that working with Overwatch meant being able to save lives on a larger scale. As the head of medical research at Overwatch, Ziegler developed the Valkyrie swift-response suit.
Mercy can fly around the whole map to allies keeping them alive as they fight enemies. It is always annoying when you think you have killed the enemy team and suddenly everyone is alive again due to her ultimate resurrection ability.

If you are defending a point, Symmetra is one of the best heroes you could have. Symmetra (Or Satya Vaswani) can pretty much bend reality. She hopes to create the perfect society in manipulating hard-light constructs. She was a high achieving student in her class at Vishkar Academy, manipulting light in the motions of her native dance.
Her turrets can destroy a team in an instant. She has a shield that she can throw in front of her, allowing the team to push forwards as it travels, not to mention she can teleport teammates in to the fight.

Pharah (Or Fareeha Amari) was born into a long line of soldiers that worked to keep the peace. She grew up wanting to serve with Overwatch, as her mother did. Unfortunately, Overwatch disbanded before she had the chance to serve with them. After she left the army with a commendation for service, she was offered work guarding artificial intelligence beneath the Giza Plateau.
Pharah can be one of the most annoying heroes to come up against. She is always in the air, shooting rockets into the team before dropping behind cover, being difficult to kill. She has a grenade that can push people off of maps, and her ultimate is a rain of rockets that can kill a team in seconds.

Mei (Or Mei-Ling Zhou) is a scientist that decided she would take preserving the environment into her own hands. Working with Overwatch, Mei managed to help preserve many high risk areas around the world. When stationed in Watchpoint: Antarctica, a huge polar storm hit the station, cutting it off from the rest of the world. The people that worked there went into cryostasis as a last effort until help came. Years later they were discovered, with Mei being the only survivor. Overwatch has been abandoned, and the climate only worsened while Mei was frozen. She decided to continue working alone to find out why the climate keeps getting worse.
Mei can take over a point alone. She freezes people and can shoot icicles from her gun, plus being able to wall the enemy team off of a point with ease. She can throw her ultimate ability, Blizzard on to the point and freeze everyone standing in it, before getting headshots on everyone and taking a point or defending a payload.

Zarya (Or Aleksandra Zaryanova) is one of the worlds strongest women, sacrificing everything to protect her family, friends and country. Zarya was born in a small Siberian village on the front line of the Omnic Crisis. The region was devastated by the war, and Zarya grew up seeing this. As she grew, she was determined to gain the strength to help her people recover from the destruction. Focusing on weightlifting and bodybuilding, she was recognized and signed up for the upcoming world championships. On the evening of the championships, a dormant Siberian-omnic attacked her village. She immediately withdrew from the tournament, going back to the village to help defend it, using her strength to defend the people she loves.
Zarya shields her team, so that when they take damage it gives her weapon more energy to do damage. On top of this her shields stop any knockbacks and can be very useful against other heroes ultimate abilities. She can group the whole enemy team up with her ultimate ability: Graviton Surge. This leaves the enemy team vulnerable to other ultimate abilities and a lot of damage to everyone caught in it.

I will cover all of the heroes in another post and how each have their benefits, but I think I can safely say, all of the women I have mentioned are great characters.

Sylvanas Windrunner (World of Warcraft)

Sylvanas Windrunner is an undead hunter that currently leads the Horde. She is a character that has been around for a lot longer than all of the other characters I have mentioned on this list. I grew up wanting her to lead the horde, simply because she did what was best for her people, and was the kind of person that was made to lead as opposed to be led. She is a strong willed woman that can be just as terrifying as anyone else in Azeroth and that makes her one of the best characters in video games history in my opinion.

These are just a few of the great female characters that we have in gaming right now. There are still many more I haven't mentioned because if I did, I would be writing this for a lot longer than I can. The current female characters are great, and I can't wait to see more like them appear in our games.

ARTICLE - Speed Running and Jumping

I have a problem with the general term "speed run". I have a memory of a video titled "Zelda: Ocarina of Time in 17:13" and thought to myself, wow that's impossible. It turns out I was right. It was impossible. The player proceeded to start the game as normal, being ambushed by that little twerp Navi and told to go talk to a tree. So far, so Zelda. They carry on to the first dungeon and get to the first boss, Gohma: The Parasitic Armoured Arachnid, only to then start messing about with the boss door. Weird, I think to myself, for a speed runner to be faffing about doing some random nonsense after stating to have beaten the game within 20 minutes. The timer in the corner says about 11 minutes have passed. There's no way this guy is going to make it. Suddenly we are in the tower of Hyrule Castle as it's falling apart at the end of the game. The player is still young Link. They race to the bottom to confront the final boss, Ganon. They beat him and stop the timer. The final cutscene and credits are going on in the background as I stare at the frozen timer: 17:13. This wasn't a speed run of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, this was a speed jump. You don't read the first three pages of a book then skip to the last three and claim to have speed read it. There's "skimming the page" then there's glancing at the front and back cover.

Ah, memories...

Anyway, for me speed running a game is: you start it, play the game in as time-efficiently as possible (no, skipping large portions of the main game doesn't count) and finish it. By all means, stop the timer as the final bosses last breath passes their lips. As long as the playable portion of the game is finished. I can't say I've ever attempted a speed run. I've replayed levels in various games to get better times for rewards, like the boss rush in Shadow of the Colossus, but I've never made the time itself my goal. I like feats of skill. Watching someone play a game I'm not particularly good at (Enter the Gungeon for example) is great. It's educational to watch how good players can clear games. When you introduce game breaking glitches to your playthrough you take away from the experience in my opinion.

One day, I'll exit the Gungeon

I don't like glitchy speed runs because at the end of it all you've done is shown someone how to break the game, not get better at it. I know speed runs aren't really about showing how to efficiently finish games, they are a test and display of skill. I know that these are considered "glitch runs" and there are other runs out there that don't involve glitches (the fastest for OoT being 4 hours 15 minutes 3 seconds) I don't mean to sound overly critical. I understand that some people find joy in where a games cracks are and exploiting them. I just don't feel starting a race, cutting across a few fields and then passing the finish line is considered taking part in the race.

Let's not forget what happens when you mess
with the fabric of the Zelda universe.

Maybe I'm just not "with it". Oh look, they say, there's Old Man Mango set in his ways, complaining about "the kids today". Probably what set me off was the fact Zelda: Ocarina of Time is up there with Final Fantasy 8, Bioshock and Ratchet and Clank in terms of games that blew me away the first time I played them. Strange picks? Sure, why not. Anyway, RANT OVER, if you agree or disagree comment and such. Godspeed!

ARTICLE - Ooo Piece of Candy

What makes a good collectable in a game? Collectables have been around in gaming for a number of years now. PacMan had to eat a stage full of them just to make it to the next level. Mario has his coins and Sonic has his rings. Collecting 100 of either gained you an extra life. (You know, back when games taught you that if you fuck up enough times you go right back to square one. Much like real life) Nowadays, thanks mostly but not exclusively to Ubisoft, collectibles are a way of making you search every square inch of a massive sandbox environment to find every little flag/totem/grain of sand. (I was being totally facetious with the last one until I remembered Ubisofts Prince of Persia reboot *sigh*)
Personally, I rather like a scavenger hunt. Maybe not to the extent Assassin's Creed thinks people like scavenger hunts but I can get into a "find 50 MacGuffins and receive this wicked new, totally OP weapon/armour set". Collectables you find should be interesting in their own right, however. There should be some skill or lore you earn from receiving your hidden treasure.

One of my all time favourite games is Sly Cooper and the Thievius Racoonus for that very reason. In each level, there is a safe. To get into each safe you have to get a combination of numbers from bottles scattered around the level. In each safe is an item that grants you, aspiring master thief, a new ability. This is one of the few games I can remember starting and finishing in one playthrough. Countless deaths and a few tricky bottle locations notwithstanding that was about 9-10 hours of one day, that probably started at about 6 pm. As a PS2 title, I wasn't rewarded with a trophy for completing the game 100%. I didn't need that, the incremental reward system of the unlocking safes was enough to keep pushing on. Nothing makes me want to explore a game more than being handsomely rewarded for my troubles. The story and platforming are pretty great as well so, you know, play it. (The main antagonist is a giant mechanical owl called Clockwerk, 'nuff said)

Play the rest of them while you're at it!

The Bioshock series shares a piece of its universe with every collectable you find. I know what you're thinking, I just recommended a game where you fight a robot owl. Where do I get off writing this like an Edge article? "shares a piece of its universe"? Honestly. But I'm serious. Every log you find gives a tiny piece of the story from one of the many people that made up the world of Rapture or Columbia. They are there to immerse you in the story but you don't need to find them, or even pick them up when you do. I wanted to know more about these worlds though, from basic maintenance of an underwater city to the inner musings of a self-styled prophet. It's always interesting to find out the hows and whys even if it doesn't affect you as the character. It helps to populate sometimes stark environments with "real" people you could possibly relate to. I might even start leaving recordings of myself around the house. I don't know where they would fall in the "Underwater City Maintenance/Self-Styled Prophet" scale though.

Would you kindly play these as well?

 Now I'm not generally one to throw around any "shade" as the kids say but now it's time to focus on what makes bad collectables bad. The aforementioned Assassin's Creed series has had its fair share of tedious tat to pick up. Far Cry 3 onward has also fallen down this dark path. Congratulations, you've created an expansive open world for me to explore. The scenery is beautiful and the cities are fun to traverse. 50+ little flags you say? Whatever for, I ask. Just because and also a different skin for your character for your trouble. And an achievement, can't forget that. Excellent, I think to myself, so then everyone will know I spent 2 hours of my life looking at a guide online tracking down each and every one of the little bastards just to get that sweet 50G. Add it to the pile over there. Do I learn anything when I pick these things up? No, but I do get a wee ding/chime/whistle noise. My what incentive to hear the next identical ding/chime/whistle. Later Assassin's Creed titles have started leaning towards more side quests than random pickups, but they are still a Far Cry (sorry, couldn't resist) from being nearly as interesting as the previous examples. Don't get me wrong, I like both Assassin's Creed and Far Cry. I just feel it can do better than being a collect-'em-up with mild shooty/stabby bits to keep things interesting.

I'm not angry...

I'm just disappointed

I know, I write something about collecting stuff and don't mention Pokemon. Well, there's your mention. I have lost misplaced literally hundreds of hours of my life to that particular series of games and now I can't think why. I realise I'm in the minority in that regard. But anyway, this isn't a post on me realising I've tried and failed to be the very best like no one ever was. It's about certain game devs taking notice of what other certain game devs have done and us all enjoying a game that doesn't waste our time with "Dr Ravioli has lost his jigsaw puzzle while travelling around Germany, find all 1000 pieces and earn some artwork". Comment or something if you've had similar experiences with another game or if you think I'm totally wrong. RANT DONE! Cheers.