REVIEW - Horizon Zero Dawn - Brave Meets Jurassic Park (Plus Robots)

Title: Horizon Zero Dawn
Developer: Guerrilla Games
Publisher: Sony Interactive Entertainment

Platform: PlayStation 4

Hoping the title of the review didn't give too much away, Horizon Zero Dawn sets you on Earth in the far distant future. Somewhere between now and then civilisation as we know it will crumble, machines will start roaming the land like feral packs of animals and humanity is reduced to small tribes of superstitious, proto-primitive nomads. (Yay)

You play as Aloy, a woman who has been brought up as an outsider to her people for reasons unknown. Your surrogate father, a fellow outcast called Rost, raises you from infancy and trains you to survive in the wilds. While out exploring one day you fall down into some ruins of "The Old World" where you find an earpiece called a Focus. With it, you can scan your surroundings and detect enemy weak points and patrol routes.

Once old enough you take part in a trial that will allow you to join your clan, the Nora. (The game splits most of its people into the traditionalist Nora, the sun-worshipping Carja or the tinkering Oseram) Having not been raised within a tribe, Aloy has a tendency to speak her mind when it comes to matters of tradition, faith and law which can lead to some of the best dialogue I've heard in a game for quite some time. The game adopts the use of a dialogue tree to carry conversations. There are points where your actions are determined by three choices; aggression, logic or compassion. From what I've seen these are just to create different outcomes to a conversation, not influence the game as a whole. (I could be wrong, I've only retried one example early on) That being said, the options are interesting and I'm considering a second play through to see some of the others.

As you may be able to tell already, this is an excellent looking game. Scanning from a high vantage point, you're gifted with some stunning views of the valleys, mountains and plains that you're fully able to explore. Previously I've talked about sci-fi doing Ice Planet, Desert Planet etc. HZD does these separate environments and connects them together brilliantly into a rich and vibrant world. Day/night cycle and weather changes add to each area, making the world seem that much more real. At times the light change can take the game by surprise and it looks like someone has been messing about with the Gamma level on your TV but it quickly sorts itself out. (I've only had a couple of instances of this in about 10 hours of gameplay)

As for the people in the game. Oh boy, these are some beautiful people. (I mean some of them have a face only a mother could love... but still beautiful) Every person you meet looks like someone you would bump into on the street. Hair, eyes, facial expressions, everything is done so damn well. Aloy is brilliant. Her design, the way she moves, pretty much everything she says. If I had played this sooner she would have been on my list of "Top Heroes" without question. [She was on a list of excellent female characters in games "The Girls Are Back In Town" by Billy] Aloy takes shit from no one but is always prepared to help anyone in need. She constantly questions authority where authority is being abused and when it comes to faith she always asks the question "why". (I can't remember the last time I was this taken by a fictional character)

The way the art design works in showing you people from not only different tribes but also different castes is fantastic. Take the first picture below.That's Nil, a former Carja soldier and now bandit slaying mercenary. You'll meet other Carja soldiers, you'll meet other mercenaries. You won't meet another one like Nil. (Possibly because he killed them, I'm unsure) Comparatively the lower picture is Aidaba, the Carjan Hunter's Lodge shopkeeper. You'll be tripping over merchants through out the game but you'll never see two of the same in the one place. (Or even two of the same at all, at least from what I saw) I love the makeup and tattoo designs, very simple but done in such a way that catches your attention.

Now on to the gameplay. Horizon Zero Dawn is a fantastic open world adventure. The tutorial is handled very well, placing you in control of Aloy at a younger age. (Perfectly demonstrating what I ranted makes a good opening level)

You're shown the basics of camera and character control, a brief but revealing view into the world you're being introduced to and even teased as to some of the hidden areas you'll be able to explore once the game opens up. Combat is pretty straight forward. You have a spear for hitting things and a bow for hitting things further away. Before you go off and start hacking and slashing God of War style, don't. The fights in HZD can be some of the most intense situations you'll be involved in. Taking a hit is something to be avoided, not quite to Dark Souls level, but enough to always gauge a situation before jumping straight into the fray. (The best comparison would be The Witcher 3) Making sure you have the right weapon to exploit the right weakness is key to winning some of the bigger fights later on. (Also as soon as you can, buy the Ropecaster. Then buy something that can shoot freeze ammunition, a great combo for taking down big enemies fast) A few of the fights had me so absorbed with all the shooting and dodging that I didn't notice until it was over that my whole body had been clenched like a fist.

A wrinkle I've found is on some of the bigger enemies their hit box can be a little inconsistent. During one attack I could dodge out of the way no problem while dodging the same attack a few minutes later I would take damage. Also when using the slow-motion while aiming the camera can get lost in the bushes/tall grass. On saying all that, I didn't really find any real difficulty with the fighting, I died only a handful of times during combat. You get the ability to control the machines you're fighting shortly into the game, this is a fun addition that can lead to some spectacular bot-on-bot clashes. The bots you control become a bit tougher than regular bots so it's fun seeing a horsebot (strider) trample a group of wolfbots (scrapper) without breaking a sweat.

With the last few "open world" games I've reviewed, there was a certain amount of difficulty filling it with enough stuff to keep you interested in exploring. There is no issue at all here. The map, which is spectacularly detailed when you reveal it, is full of little corners that seemingly have nothing in them but turn out to have a wee out-of-the-way ruin or village. I had a friend round, gave him the controller and told him to take a walk. He proceeded to head in a northerly direction from the starting location and inadvertently found a village filled with people and tame machines. This place had no sign posts pointing us here. There was no bigger reason to be at this location other than our own curiosity. There was a wee mission that involved the tamed machines and when that was done, that was it. A nice wee day out exploring a games wilderness and being rewarded with actual content. Bugger me, how novel. There are collectables in the game. Blessed be they are not worthless pieces of tat. Most of them come in sets that can be traded for goods at certain merchants. They even come with lore. Guerrilla Games gets it. I don't want to pick up flags or marbles or whatever to sate the kleptomaniac in me, I want to find interesting baubles that expand the universe they've created. (Pro Tip: Upgrade your Resources pouch to max as early as you can, just saying)

The platforming is pretty standard for your action/adventure game. Grabbing ledges and shimmying along cliff edges is pretty much your bread and butter here. There are times where you're expected to climb something and the correct ledge (the ones highlighted in yellow) isn't particularly well highlighted. This is an issue that links back to the lighting problem I mentioned before, it solves itself after a bit but still, a bit of a nuisance as not every ledge is climbable. Nothing game breaking and overall the climbing and running about is really nice. (And relaxing between assaults from roaming mech-pets)

Would I recommend Horizon Zero Dawn to you? I can't recommend it enough. (In case you hadn't guessed from all the writing above) The visuals, the writing, the gameplay. It all comes together to make what I'm considering my Game of the Year (so far). There are a few flaws here and there but overall this is a finely polished gem you should add to your collection. (Here's a picture of a giant, lightning firing bird as reward for scrolling to the bottom of the review)

Horizon Zero Dawn is exclusive to PS4 for various prices. (So as ever, shop around. Also, buy a PS4 if you don't own one to play this awesome game)

LIST - Who Needs Hearts When You've Got Smarts

A few of these entries were originally on my "Top Villains" list. Then I realised they needed a special list all to themselves so I could include the, eh, less evil machines in games. (Maybe not "evil", more "socially ambiguous")

• Dr Nefarious - Ratchet & Clank

  

  I always hated biology!

Maybe the obvious choice would have been Clank. He is one of the titular heroes of the franchise. Dr Nefarious has many superior qualities over Clack lacks, however.

1. He steals every scene he's in. 
2. He has a flair for the dramatic verging on insane. 
3. He has a long-suffering butler called Lawrence. 
4. When he becomes too stressed he short circuits and starts broadcasting a romantic radio drama. 
5. Possibly best of all, he's voiced by Armin Shimerman. (Principle Snyder from Buffy and Quark from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Nefarious hates organic life or "squishies" as he calls them. (A theme for a lot of these characters on the list will be the derogatory terms they have for people) Generally, his plans revolve around destroying solar systems or converting living creatures into robots. (He and Robotnik should get together sometime) His recent reboot in the new Ratchet & Clank game/movie shows you his origins from before he becomes a robot. (Look up the post credit scene for the movie, probably the best 3 mins of the whole thing) There his motivation for planetary destruction comes from being bullied by the would-be hero, Captain Quark.

I always enjoy the Ratchet & Clank series for its imaginative weaponry and "Saturday morning cartoon" style of humour. Dr Nefarious entered as the perfect recurring villain with his over-the-top plans for planetary destruction. While, given his back story, it would be easy to sympathise with him, Nefarious goes out of his way to be the least likeable person in any given room. Probably why I like him so much.

• HK-47 - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

  

  I am like a veritable fable, warning
  against the karma caused by
  murdering others. What utter irony.

Statement: HK-47 is the deadliest robot on this list. The Star Wars universe has a fair few droids at its disposal. C-3PO, R2-D2, BB-8 and IG-88 to name the bare minimum. None of them compares to HK-47 though. Built from scratch by a Sith Lord with the sole purpose of killing Jedi elevates you somewhat from the crowd. While being an artificial intelligence, it's clear HK has no qualms about his base programming. Even going as far as reprimanding you, as the player, for sparing a life or doing a good deed.

Explanation: One of HK-47s various quirks lies in the way he speaks. Before every sentence, he states the nature of the statement whether it be a question, explanation or opinion.(Usually with a mocking tone depending on your actions) While you would think having a sarcastic robot with a thirst for blood by your side would possibly lead to some awkward situations (and it does), HK is one of the most honest, loyal companions you have when navigating the dangers of space. Depending on how you play KOTOR (Light side or Dark side) doesn't really do much to change his attitude towards you or other "meatbags" however his loyalty to you is seemingly unbreakable, even being forced to call you "Master". (Though it does turn out he has relieved himself of previous "masters")

Opinion: KOTOR is two of the best (possibly nostalgia talking) RPGs I've played. Starting off you are lumped in with some pretty generic characters, some of whom open up and become much more interesting as the story goes on. (Depending on Light or Dark) HK-47  instantly shines, however. He speaks his mind, has little regard for others and sees the universe in a simple "target/non-target" way. He's not bad, he's just built that way.

• GLaDOS - Portal

  

  We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested
  me, I tested you. You killed me, I...oh,
  no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you
  yet. Well. Food for thought.

GLaDOS or Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System has possibly the clearest of visions on this list. She's only motivated by one thing: Science! Is there anything purer? No. Built by Aperture Science as an artificial housing for the mind of Aperture's CEO, Cave Johnson, beyond his death. He died shortly before the completion of the project and the mind of his assistant, Caroline, was used instead. (Not sure it was willing given most of Aperture Sciences working practises)

Your first encounter with GLaDOS is over the speaker systems of the Enrichment Centre. At first, everything is normal. Place box on switch, open door, redirect laser, open door, use complex series of portals to place box on switch and redirect lasers, open door. Just your usual standardised testing. She's even pretty supportive, a little critical but supportive. As you progress through the tests you are reassured that at the end you will be rewarded with some delicious cake. (That's the only time I'll mention it, honest) Unfortunately, this turns out to be untrue. Once you reach the conclusion of the final test you board the Unstationary Scaffold and watch in increasing horror as you are descended into an Incinerator Room. GLaDOS does assure you that none of the scientific equipment you're carrying will be harmed by the high temperatures. (Whew)

Portal could have just been an interesting tech demo showcasing Valves mastery of physics and level design. The robotic voice you have guiding you throughout the game could have been just that and while we would have wowed at the intricacies of some of the puzzle ideas there would have been very little reason to go back to it. GLaDOS makes Portal. Thinking with portals is cool but unless you have the cold, analytical (and hilarious) criticism she is so very good at urging you on there would be no incentive to even finish the game, let alone play a sequel. So play them if you haven't already. For Science. (And Cake) (I lied)

• CL4P-TP - Borderlands

  

  Aaaaaaaand opeeeen!

This guy. This complete asshat. He is the most annoying, useless, idiotic, sad piece of scrap robotics you'll ever meet. Too harsh? Not if you've talked to him for more than a sentence. Created by Hyperion (a whole company of asshats) as a steward of sorts, his main function is to help Vault Hunters navigate Pandora in search of Vaults and the treasure said to lie within. Claptrap is (supposedly) the last of his series. The rest of his brethren having been systematically destroyed for being one of the words used at the start of the paragraph. You would think that would upset him, and it does greatly. Unfortunately, he's programmed to speak in nothing but an upbeat, optimistic tone so you'd never know his great sorrow unless he told you. (Which he does. A lot.)

Getting off the bus at the start of Borderlands you are greeted by this cheery little guy. Little do you know the kind of cowardice, stupidity and betrayal he will demonstrate in your time with him. Beset by bandits, he asks you to protect him as he runs for cover. At various points in the game Claptrap will sell you out to save his own skin (eh, metal) only to come scurrying back when all his backup is dead. His programming gets overwritten at the very end by Hyperion and becomes I.N.A.C. (Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap) for a short period of time. Technically this makes him a bit of a badass, restarting production on CL4P-TP units and raising a glorious "robolution". His base programming eventually wins out, however, reverting him back to the snivelling little rust bucket you know and hate. (It's literally the only fight he wins and it's against himself)

I have been pretty harsh. CL4P-TP does open doors that are otherwise game-haltingly locked. He does this a fair few times. He is the equivalent to a door knob. Claptrap is a door knob. Claptrap is a knob. Yup.

• Legion - Mass Effect

  

  Organics fear us. We wish to understand,
  not incite.

A bit of flavour text: The Geth are a race of A.I. constructs, created as menial labour by another race called quarians. Having turned on their creators after realising their existence was tantamount to slavery, the Geth became enslaved by Reapers. They don't really catch a break. (Technical talk over, sorry) Legion is met with hostility by most of the other characters in Mass Effect. At an initial glance, he's just another Geth unit, making people understandably intimidated. (Plus being 6'6")   Initially thought to be another hostile unit you open fire at Legion until you realise the shots he's firing at you are taking out the enemy sneaking up behind you. (lol tropes)

Officially the only "good" robot on the list. Ironic considering you spend most of Mass Effect blasting his kind back to the digital stone-age. Legion is a collective of A.I. constructs in one body. (1,183 Geth programs to be exact) Considering the average Geth unit has only 100 this is considered a bit of an anomaly by everyone who meets him, her... it? His mission has been to follow in your footsteps and try to break the hold the Reapers (giant evil robot space lice) has on the Geth. Depending on how you play this can go a variety of ways. (Some of these ways may even bring a tear to a synthetic eye) He isn't your regular unfeeling robot. Legion asks questions most people would rather not answer. He raises the issue of having a soul despite knowing he was created by another race. What is a soul? (Eh, too deep, pull back)

Once I got Legion I basically kept him at my side for the rest of the games. While having the intelligence of the entire Geth collective he constantly asks questions to do with morality and existence that results in some interesting dialogue depending on who else you travel with. It's fun, honest. Who wouldn't want a tall, would-be murder-bot quizzing you on every choice you make and why? YAY SPACE!

• Clockwerk - Sly Raccoon

  

  Revenge is the prime ingredient in the fountain of
    youth. I've kept myself alive for thousands of years
   with a steady diet of jealousy and hate, awaiting the
   day when I would finally eclipse your family's thieving
   reputation.

Murderer! Thief! Madma... bird! These are things that Clockwerk is but you would be incredibly stupid to say these things to his beak. He has earned those titles through a history of jealousy and hate for the Cooper Clan that has spanned thousands of years. Slowly but surely replacing each part of himself with a robotic substitute in order to pursue his goal of surpassing the Coopers and becoming the world's greatest thief.

Originally from what would eventually be known as Russia (considering he's around 10,000 years old it's a little unclear), Clockwerk brings together various other nasty folks to form the Fiendish Five. Together they take down Conner Cooper and steal the Thievius Raccoonus. (A book of tips and tricks to becoming a master thief) With this, he and his gang hold the world to ransom. While never directly interacting with his cohorts he supplied them with advanced technology and makes sure that the pieces of the book stay in their sticky fingers. It's clear from the moment you meet him face to face he sees emotions as a weakness which he has stripped from himself. He's so super-villainy he even has his lair in an active volcano and has a penchant for the dramatic by kidnapping Sly Cooper's love interest, Carmelita Fox, to lure Sly to his doom.

The best kind of Big Bad is the behind-the-scenes, mysterious mastermind kind. (In my opinion, and you're reading this so you must be kinda interested in that) Clockwerk has all the characteristics of the owl he used to be; he waits for his prey to let his guard down then strikes fast. When he hunts, he does so solo. He has 360 vision and laser eyes. (Like all owls, why are you looking at me weird?) While in the end, it was his hubris that was his downfall, it's pretty impressive that over thousands of years Clockwerk managed to replace every living part of himself and gain immortality without opposable thumbs.

Well, assuming Skynet isn't about to activate let's hope we're still a few years away from actually encountering some of these guys. ALL HAIL OUR ROBOTIC OVERLORDS! Eh, I mean, have a great day guys!

REVIEW - Mass Effect Andromeda: In Space, No One Can Hear You Scan for Minerals

Mass Effect Andromeda has you playing as Pathfinder [Insert Dick Joke Here] Ryder. Male or female, you're set with the task of setting up the Heleus Cluster as the new home for you and most of the other alien races you met in the original trilogy. (By "most" I mean most of the important ones #SpaceRacist) During that process, you come across a few new species. They're a mixed bag. Some are friendly, most are not. The big bad is reasonably big and suitably bad. Plot wise that's all there really is without giving too much away.

One of the greatest pleasures in a game like Mass Effect comes in the first 30-45 minutes. The ability to tweak every detail until you've got your characters face just right is a blessed thing.

Brow depth is crucial!

Then you cover it with a helmet or stare at the back of their head as they run around for 90% of the game. You go through this experience when shaping your hero, Ryder. It only took me 10 minutes to "masterfully" craft my Ryder. Nothing I did made him look right. At best he looks like "generic male hero #3". I actually had to quit out of the character creation first time round because the preset face I was trying to customise had ridiculously huge eyes. (And apparently, the developers didn't think a slider on "eye size" was a good idea) I gave him a scar, as you do, but again I felt like I was giving him the best of a bad bunch. It kind of looks like someone kerb stomped him. Needless to say, I started my adventure unhappy with the way I looked. (Much like an average day back in high school) Also, just as an aside; WHY CAN'T I PLAY AS A TURIAN OR KROGAN? Ahem. What's so great about being human?

Aside from this bitchin' face tattoo... eh

Now a few eagle-eyed people might have noticed a certain amount of controversy concerning the animations in ME: A. Right before the patch that fixed it (which came out about two weeks after launch) it was difficult having a conversation with anyone. Their eyes were all over the fucking place. Seriously, some would be going to the shops while the other was coming back with change. It wasn't game breaking but when you want to be immersed in a game, especially a game with the scope of Mass Effect, you don't want everyone making stupid faces at you when you're talking to them. Textures can be a little rough around the edges making the game look previous gen at its worst. (Which isn't really that big of a deal for me really)

It's okay, sand, render when you're ready

Luckily there is a flip-side to that complaint. Some of the environments in the game are gorgeous to look at. Alien worlds can be cliche at times; desert planet, ice planet, forest planet. We've seen multiple iterations of these in various games and movies. ME: A does these very planets. But they are very nice to look at and traverse. Words don't really do them justice. Here are some holiday snaps I took while out and about.

Speaking of being out and about, getting around isn't the shitshow it was in the original Mass Effect. Gone is the clunky, jack-in-the-box suspension Mako. Enter the Nomad. It gets you from A to B on most of the planets you touch down on and isn't a complete pig to drive. You can even purchase upgrades for it, one of which improves the handling on slippery surfaces which I thought was a nice touch. There are no weapons on the vehicle but that's to encourage you to get out and get involved in the combat and explore.

I'm actually pretty fond of this beauty

To get you around the Cluster itself you have the Tempest. It's also where you'll interact with your team on a more personal level, gaining their trust. Strangely, it's the only place you can check your emails. (I'm currently experiencing a glitch where Your computer constantly says "Pathfinder, you have new email" despite if I do or not, it gets old) The majority of these are just flavour text for events or actions you've done but some of them are mission requirements. This means if you're out in the world blasting fools and scanning for those sweet sweet minerals you'll occasionally get a prompt to go back to your ship (which results in an unskippable cutscene of it taking off every time) to check said email only then to leave your ship again. (Which, you guessed it, results in another cutscene) There are missions where this can happen 4-5 times depending on how many places you have to visit. It feels it needlessly padded out what turned out to be a 60-65 hour game.

Expect to see this a lot during the game

Like you would expect in an adventure game from Bioware there is a fair amount of dialogue. ME: A has moved away from the series Paragon/Renegade (good/evil) system, opting to create a more natural dialogue system. Choices are broken down into emotional or technical, professional or casual. While this can be interesting at times and also take conversations in directions you wouldn't think it is also quite bland for the most part. I can have a conversation regarding a mission with an NPC or squad mate and just not feel any chemistry at all. (Disconcerting if the saviour of the galaxy is phoning it in) Delivery isn't all bad when driving around in the Nomad whoever you have in your team will talk amongst themselves which, if you have the right squad, can be quite entertaining. (The right squad being Vetra and Drack, no question)

About to head out to da club with my homies

Drack during one of his little jokes

You can be my (space) wingman, anytime

Quests! Those are what you're wanting on an epic space adventure. Fear not, ME: A has more quests in it than the average krogan has battle scars. Ryder will be sent to deal with scavengers, defuse bombs, settle debts, find missing people and, yup, scan stuff. Those are your run-of-the-mill missions. Some extra care and attention have been put into the story and crew loyalty missions. This is where the gameplay shines for me as it seems to work with more of a focus rather than trying to fill its expansive maps with stuff to do. Some of the side quests can be interesting but a lot of them are "go to the location, scan, fight". It can be fun for a while but it can grind a bit. (If you've got a friend or loved one who likes to watch you play games have them next to you for some of it)

While we're on the subject (several paragraphs ago) let's look at the combat. It can take you a while to get into the rhythm of the combat but once you find a skill set you're happy with it becomes pretty fun. I played as pure biotic. (Think Jedi without a trademark issue) Initially, I had to rely on guns to wear down an enemy shield to get to their health bar. However, if you focus on one skill tree the bonuses you receive are pretty excellent. I got to a point I barely used my guns at all. I would be throwing small groups of enemies into other enemies. It was glorious! The only drawback is you can only equip 3 powers at any one time. A little limiting considering they are what really make the combat great but you can make it work once you find the abilities that suit you.

I have no idea what just happened, I think I won

The enemies in the game seem relatively smart. Some of them dodge your powers/projectiles, they can flank you if you're not paying attention and if it's a heavier unit they'll walk right up to you, firing their weapon to pin you down. When there's enough of them on screen it can seem a little overwhelming. With all the explosions going off and powers flying around you can lose track of how you're doing. I've seen the Mission Failed screen more than a few times as a result of not knowing what the hell was going on.

I've witnessed some seriously stupid deaths

And if you're playing a mission let's hope there was a checkpoint right after that last fight. I've been in the final section of an assault on an enemy base, picked up all the extra stuff along the way, fought through countless enemies and had to do it all over again as the checkpoint was at the entrance to the base. As it's happened a few times I can only surmise that the checkpoint system needs an overall improvement in regards to what activates it.

Would I recommend Mass Effect: Andromeda to you? When ME: A wants you to have fun, you're going to have fun. Sometimes it's nice to just drive about and take in some of the great views. There are the constant loading transactions (understandable in a game this size) but I've seen bigger done better. I'm sure down the line patches can be put in place to fix a lot with what I've pointed out I think is wrong with the game. I will recommend this game, but only if you have the patience for the problems I pointed out.

TLDR? This picture sums up how I feel perfectly

Mass Effect Andromeda is available to buy or download for PS4, Xbox1 and PC (Prices vary wildly in some cases so shop around)

REVIEW - Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap - What is the Secret of Your Power?

It's not often I get to play a game from my childhood without digging out the necessary console and its spaghetti of wires. (And crossing my fingers that the ravages of time haven't reduced the inner workings of the console to dust) Thankfully developer Lizardcube understands this issue and saw fit to remake 1989s Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap. (Technically it's Wonder Boy III: The Dragon's Trap but I'm not about to be that arsehole)

You are Wonder Boy (or Girl) and you've set out to defeat the evil Mecha Dragon in his lair. Unknown to you there is a terrible curse that comes with your victory. Striking him down releases a magic that transforms the hero into a half-man/half-lizard. While it's cool to suddenly have scales and the ability to breath fire it would be better to, you know, be a normal human. (Eh, actually...) Now you must travel across the land defeating the other dragons and being subjected to new curses and new forms. I suppose you could argue this is where Skyrim got 100% of its inspiration. (Minus the shape changing hero) Yup, that seems totally plausible. Well done me for pointing it out to everyone.
There's not much in the way of plot. You are plopped into this fantasy world equipped with a sword and a shield and left to get on with the game in all its platforming glory. Coming across a seemingly impassable wall or a jump that you can't quite make is the games way of saying "Come back later". Going in the wrong direction can get you rewarded for your adventurous spirit with a chest full of treasure, however.

Above are two pictures of the very start of the game. The artwork for the remake is amazing. Every scene looks like the panel from a comic. The animations for both your character and the enemies are simple but at the same time fluid enough to make it look like you're watching a cartoon. Then with a press of the R2 button the screen shifts to reveal the original 8-bit game in all its nostalgic glory. Clicking the R3 button converts the music and sound effects to the original chiptune soundtrack. Everything is as it is was 28 years ago.

Pop into this menu on the pause screen and you can even apply scan line to turn even the shiniest 4K TVs into the CRT behemoths we all know and love. (Well, I know them but love might be too strong a word)
Starting this game brought back a tonne of memories. Most of which consist of handing the controller to my mum because dear lord is this game tough. But not tough as you might expect from a game nowadays. Its difficulty lies in its trial and error attitude to gameplay that was a major feature back in the day. Every level has a set amount of enemies and those enemies move in a certain way. Some of them jump and bounce across the screen while others shoot at you from afar. It's up to you as the player to get used to these patterns in order to advance. At the beginning of the game, you get given the option of Easy, Normal and Hard. These are really just to factor in how hard the enemies hit you before you get Game Over.

Yes, much like this Game Over screen that I've now seen more times than I care to admit. It hasn't been a deterrent, however. Knowing that it's my own skill at the game that's holding me back rather than some in-game stats pushes me forward. Knowing that I'm not going to have to spend the next hour or so of the game grinding for XP is strangely refreshing.

Compared to the original 1989 version the controls have been tightened up to help you navigate the often treacherous environments. Don't get me wrong, there are points a string of swears have shot from my mouth when a jump has been mistimed over and over. Like I've said, much like the combat, the level design is all about learning the patterns. At one point not too far in you are greeted with lava pits (hooray said no one ever) and enemies that have a tendency to knock you into them. I stopped playing the game for about an hour, collected myself (from the gibbering wreck I had become) and tried again. It was all good. At a mid-point in this section, you receive an item that makes the entire area so much easier to deal with. For an older game, it still knows how to reward its players and when a section is tough it will provide something to ease your torment. (Eventually) Something a fair few games released today could take a lesson in.

Bosses in the game are tricky. To defeat them you just have to hit them in the head until the health bar says 0. However, I feel I've gotten lucky with a few of them. While I've been talking about patterns and using them to overcome obstacles I have little to no idea what each bosses pattern was. It was almost a battle of attrition, I would hit them and hope that them hitting me wouldn't end my game. Not a bad thing by any means, I just couldn't get into the proper swing of battle.

Would I recommend Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap to you? Yup. You're damn right I would. If you're like me and enjoy a bit of nostalgic gaming or if you're just looking for a fun platformer to mess about with then Wonder Boy is your game. As I've said the artwork is beautiful to look at and the gameplay while challenging at times, it is rewarding.

Available to download for PS4 (£15.99), Xbox1 (£15.99) and Nintendo Switch (£17.99).

[Hello, quick note at the bottom here to see how you're feeling about the pictures in the review. Figured out how to get them from the PS4 to the laptop. Too many, need more, feedback is super. Much love]

LIST - The Heroes You Need AND Deserve

A few weeks ago I showcased a few villains I thought you should be on the lookout for. You know, like a public service announcement. Under no circumstances should you approach those individuals! Thankfully there are people on hand for such an occasion. They've got to be strong and they've got to be fast. They've got to be fresh from the fight. Really what I'm saying is: I need a hero.

He's climbing through your window,
snatching yo' gemstones up!
Eh... for justice? 

• Sly Cooper - Sly Raccoon

Sly Cooper is many things. Suave, cunning, a racoon, a thief. Not what you would expect from a list of heroes. In fact, he isn't even initially that heroic. The last of a great dynasty of master thieves Sly is the proud owner of the Thievius Raccoonus. A book that has every trick his ancestors have developed to pull off the perfect heist.

At a young age Sly witnesses the murder of his parents at the hands (or rather talons) of the villainous owl, Clockwerk. Clockwerk steals the Thievius Raccoonus and uses it to become the most renowned thief in the world. Que standard revenge/vengeance plot line that you come to expect from such scenarios. Sly is different, however. Jumping to his adult years, he's not the dark, brooding antihero you would expect. He cracks wise, he's almost always got a smile on his face and in the process of retrieving his families book he shuts down some pretty shady operations. He doesn't need to, he can easily just take what's his and be on his way. He takes the time to plan out elaborate heists that not only get him what he wants but also helps Interpol capture some of the most dangerous villains in the world. Who said there isn't any honour among thieves?

• Mario - Super Mario Bros.

This character has been
pixilated for his own
protection.

An evil dragon has kidnapped the princess and locked her up in his castle. Who's up to the task of saving her? A knight? A prince? An ogre? How about a fat, Italian plumber hooked on 'shrooms? The choice is obvious really. Mario has been making the run to Bowser's Castle for almost 30 years now. Now that's a cardio workout.

Mario has committed himself to saving a woman well out of his league. (Both in looks and status) This either makes him the most heroic "Everyman" or the saddest example of friend-zoning in existence. I like to think it's the former. Here we have an average Joe who will sprint/swim/fly/roll/slide his way across a whole world's worth of hostile environments to save a woman who, at most, will reward him with a peck on the cheek.

Mario is a hero to every person who has gone to the very depths of Hell to achieve the love of another just to get a smile and an "oh gee, thanks" in return. Sun praise you, sir!

• Sonic - Sonic the Hedgehog

Look at him, taunting
you with all his 90s sass.

We very nearly didn't have Sonic. Imagine the world without him for a second. (It's okay, I imagine he hasn't existed since the mid-90s as well) We almost had Dr Robotnik as the hero of his own game. How many more years until we got another animal hero, if we would at all? No Croc, no Banjo-Kazooie, no Crash Bandicoot. Just various kid-targeted games with American president look-a-likes as the protagonist. (Who even knows if furries would exist!)

Fear not! We got the super fast hedgehog. That nightmare scenario I was describing was just a "what if". No need to panic. He's been protecting the woodland creatures of Mobius from mechanisation for at least 25 years. He doesn't even get paid for the service he provides. (Unless you count the solid gold rings that inexplicably float everywhere.)

I've said before that Sonic was one of my first games. I can go back to the original games and find a fun that is completely lacking in the most recent releases. (By recent I'm going as far back as Sonic 3D for the Sega Saturn) The closest it's come to returning to its former glory is Sonic Generations. The 2D levels make me nostalgic for the classics and the 3D levels aren't hot garbage. (Pretty high praise, I know) Fingers crossed for Sonic Mania later this year.

• Samus Aran - Metroid

  

  Hey Samus, the 80s called and
  want their shoulder pads back.
  Said no sane person ever.

Bounty hunting in the depths of space can be tough. The solitary environment must be crushing at times. Luckily, the universe is full of scum and villainy to keep Samus company. An energy weapon strapped to her right hand and inside a Power Suit gifted to her by the ancient and advanced Chozo, Samus is more than equipped to deal with it. 

Having lost her parents and home at the hands of Ridley and his Space Pirates (not as swash-bucklely or musical as they sound), she is rescued and trained by the Chozo to become the Protector of the Galaxy. (The Guardians weren't hiring apparently) It was there she was outfitted with the aforementioned gear and sent off into the galaxy and defend it.

Pretty much my only experience with Samus and the Metroid series is the Prime games. They were my favourite games on the GameCube. Long, frustrating at times, so full of details and stuff to do. Collectables either powered you up or told you a bit of lore. (I might dig out my GameCube...) Needless to say, as Samus, you feel like a total badass blasting Space Pirates and other nasties away with your arsenal of beams and rockets. That is until you trip over a rock or sit up too fast and lose all the power-ups at the start of a new game.

• George Stobbart - Broken Sword

  

  This could easily be a cartoon
  drawing of MacGyver, you
  don't know!

Imagine the secret agent, MacGyver. Now imagine he's a patent lawyer called George Stobbart. Those are pretty much the only two differences between them. High-flying adventure: check. Improvising in dangerous situations with nothing but a variety of household objects you've found lying around: check. That hair: check. It's pretty uncanny.

Anyway. My point is George is a pretty resourceful guy. He's also pretty unlucky. He can't seem to take a holiday without getting caught up in some conspiracy or another. He's fought actual Knights of the Templar Order and stopped the Aztec god, Tezcatlipoca, from being released upon the world. The guy just wants to enjoy a nice coffee in a nice cafe in Paris, is that too much to ask?

As much as I'm gushing about this handsome man and his amazing accomplishments there is a bigger hero at work on these adventures. I'm talking about George's pockets. I'm envious of how seemingly void-like they are. He can fit almost anything into them, from a clown's nose to a manhole opener. (Seriously, if you've seen one of those things your mouth would be agape watching George slide it inside his coat like he's wearing a Tardis) I remember wanting to go on adventures like George when I was wee. I just need to find his tailor...

• Lara Croft - Tomb Raider

  

  Maybe she's born with it.
  Maybe it's tomb dust and
  animal viscera.

There are few video game characters that have gone through as many reboots as Lara and survived to tell the tale. She's gone from being a comically proportioned nerd's wet dream to being one of gamings most adaptable adventurers. Shipwreck her on any island, she'll have the place tamed and mercenary-free within days. (Or your money back) Going from fresh-faced explorer to hardened survivalist can take a lot of characters half of their respective games to achieve. Not Lara, she learns fast.

I don't think I've finished a Tomb Raider game pre-Legend. In fact, up until a few years ago, I hadn't even finished the Great Wall of China level in TR2, a game I got the same year it came out. (Stupid tigers, stupid spike traps, stupid boulder) That never deterred me from the series though. The small bits I could get done I enjoyed immensely. With the most recent reboot, my appreciation has grown. Lara has become a character that you could feasibly believe would exist. (If not the island full of ancient Japanese spirits) At some point in her slog across the island, she's confronted with yet more mercenaries and starts shouting "Die you bastards". What was weird was she said it exactly in sync with me. Sometimes conflict brings us closer together.

All the Force and lightsaber skills in
the universe can't get you a decent
shave apparently...

• Kyle Katarn - Star Wars: Dark Forces 

Kyle is a bit of a special case. I could have had him on the list of villains. He's been on both sides of the Imperial/Rebel conflict as an officer then a mercenary. Harnessing the Force for Light and Dark as well. I feel he doesn't get the attention he's due in regards to his place in the Star Wars universe. (At least not anymore with Disney un-canoning characters and events left and right) I'm going to talk about him as if he still matters. (Because he does to me dammit!)

The Dark Forces and subsequent Jedi Knight series focus mainly around Kyle and his antics. They're set during and after the events of the original trilogy. Spoiler: Kyle stole the Death Star plans first. You needed to know that. That's how much of a big deal he is. He's also pretty good friends with Luke Skywalker and is one of the top Jedis at the Yavin IV Jedi Academy. Throughout the series, Kyle takes down more Sith and destroys more Imperial bases than the entire Rebel effort put together. He's a one-man army with control over the Force. Sure, at one point he's corrupted by the Dark Side but we all have our off days.

My first time playing as him came in a demo my friend had on PC. It was just one level (which I found out was from half way through the game) but we would both take turns playing it over and over again, never getting tired of blowing away Stormtroopers with our Concussion Rifle. (Space shotgun) When I finally got my hands on the full game it was like someone turned the lights on. There was a story (which was damn good), there were more weapons (including a lightsaber) and there were more Force powers than I thought possible. (I was only about 8, bear in mind) For an FPS it was stunning. I hadn't ever gotten into Doom or Quake. Jedi Knight and Half-Life were my avenues for shooty bang bang fun. It's constantly on sale on Steam, pick them up!

I'll probably think of half a dozen more protagonists that I would have wanted to add to this list right after posting it. I know there's more that deserve the attention. For now be assured that if you're in trouble, if the world is seeming a dark and scary place, you can rely on the assistance of two talking mammals, a plumber, a patent lawyer, an archaeology student, a bounty hunter and a Jedi. (Actually, the last two sound like a safe bet) Think of anyone who you would want to save your day, leave a comment.